Orlando "Jay" Stone

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Orlando "Jay" Stone

Post  Orlando Stone on Sat Feb 22, 2014 7:09 pm

Name: Orlando Stone

Age: 17

God Parent: Dolos

Mortal Family: Shelby Stone

Years in Camp: 3

Brief History: Orlando was not your average kid no he was something else, unlike most of the kids he never did make friends. It wasn’t that he couldn’t or that he was picked on he just didn’t want them, he was a loner and a good one. As he years moved on he was labeled a freak and picked on in high school. But it wasn’t long before he fought back, he soon learned he was a very good liar and could twisted words in ways no one could. He became the guy no one could trust but they did anyway, he protected himself that way.

Not long after he started his first year in high school did him mother passed away, after that he dropped out of school and left to find his way in the world. He soon found his way to camp young blood and found that he was no normal kid but a demigod a son of the god Dolos. There he learned his heritage and mastered his skills becoming one of the best rouges you could ask for.

Physical Appearance: Orlando is a small and wirer fellow but rather tall. Orlando stands 6’ 4” and weighs about 215 pounds; he has medium length just black hair and bright electric green eyes almost neon green. Along with that he is well toned and very strong for his age and very mature unlike most teenage boys. He is pale very (extremely pale). Oh and he had a scare through his right eye.

Personality: Cold and secluded Orlando tends to stay away from people making it hard for others to get to know him. He likes the night and shadows unlike most he tends to embrace it, not in an evil way but use it as a friend to help him see and not be seen to hear and not be heard to move without being seen. There is where Orlando’s world resides there is where he carries out this life.

Fatal Flaw: He has very few friends and sometimes finds himself in so many lies there is no way out.

Talents: Lying, deceit, stealth, assassination, impersonation, poison.

Weapons: Twin daggers and a bow and arrows

Other: none
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Orlando Stone

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Drachmae : 3
Join date : 2014-02-22
Location : Camp Half-Blood

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Re: Orlando "Jay" Stone

Post  GeneralArin on Mon Feb 24, 2014 5:39 pm

You know, being a rogue isn't considered a good thing outside of the videogame sphere. Being "rogue" is someone who is a dangerous wildcard that is as likely to hurt you as to help you. That's bad. In pretty much every legitimate circle out there. Actually, even in a lot of illegitimate ones.

Secondly: You've chosen the trickster god! You're dad's the greek Coyote, or Loki! Those guys weren't obvious cloak-and-dagger sort of people: they tricked for the sake of tricking. Occasionally, they'd be more heroic, but normally they just pulled all sorts of tricks: harmless and otherwise. Your character is really, really, really serious. He's not even a compulsive liar or anything. I think you should try a different god, maybe Nyx or something, if you want to keep the same personality traits.

Your fatal flaw doesn't really fit the requirements: so, few friends and lies a lot. I can see how those would lead to bad things, but could you explain more how that could lead your character to possibly being killed? The whole “fatal” part of the flaw means that, in the end, this personality trait could backfire on your character so much that it gets him killed. Please elaborate on this.

Your talents are rather dubious. Firstly: Where did you learn assassination? Not at Camp Half-Blood, or any place that a minor would be going to. And a similar thing goes for poison.

A person cannot be "small and wiry" but also "6'4" and 215 pounds." Those two things do not go together. Please choose one of those descriptions, and let it be known that if he is small and wiry, he is not likely to be "very strong," compared to other boys with bigger builds of his age. Also, I was not aware battle “scares” were a permanent thing. You may want to fix that typo.

It should be known that it’s illegal to not go to some sort of school, unless they can hide it in some way, so if your character is a supposed drop-out, I would need to see some more justification as to why, as well as what in the world he was doing in that time all on his lonesome. Seriously, how would he have supported himself? Also, this Camp Young-Blood: another typo.

Being a loner is all well and good, (although, let it be known it won’t get you very far RPing-wise), but how exactly does lying help him with kids picking on him because of that? Could you maybe give an example? Also, this sentence : “ He became the guy no one could trust but they did anyway, he protected himself that way.”—really does not make sense to me. If no one can trust him, why would they? Are they compelled to in some other way? It seems rather contradictory of itself.


Last edited by GeneralArin on Mon Feb 24, 2014 6:02 pm; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : Adding comments)

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