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Post  pjorocks on Sun Mar 09, 2014 5:09 pm

Name:Marley Simon


god parent:apollo

mortal family:Miriam Bensimhon(mother),Daniel Mozes(stepdad)

years in camp:1.I spend most of my time at the archery range.

history:I live in manhattan. My real father passed away when I was 8 months old,because of cancer. I saw a manticore one day at my friend,who it turns out was a saytr, took me to camp half blood. I almost immediately got claimed.he has two close friends at school, and they are his only friends.He was extremely scared and thought he would die a bunch of times going to camp.He loves it now that he is used to it though.

physical appearance:Marley has blondish brown hair and hazel eyes from his mom.he has white skin and usually wears a plain white t-shirt and jeans.He is tall and he is not fat but not skinny.He is strong.

personality:Marley is nice and loyal to people he likes.He is smart and his friends think that he is hilarious.He can get very stubborn.If someone is mean to him he usually finds a way to prove them wrong.He also likes to think of things ultimately.

Fatal flaw:loyalty.I would do anything for a friend and never break a promise or oath.Like if my friend said the wanted me to go on a quest with them to fight ouranous, I would go with them.

talents:Marley is really good at singing,fighting with a bow and arrow,gymnastics and parkour.I know how to do this because I spent an hour practicing in a park for an hour every day after school for 5 years.Also reading and hand-to-hand combat.He has some medical knowledge, because his mom is a medical doctor.

weapons:Marley a white composite bow and arrow and quiver.

Other:Marley is intensely scared of the dark and hates bugs. Marley loves pop and country music and sunlight.He has a swiss army knife on him at all times and has a lyre that shrinks so he can carry it around.He also has an iPod and a bracelet that warms up when gods,monsters or titans are near.

Last edited by pjorocks on Tue Mar 11, 2014 2:18 pm; edited 5 times in total (Reason for editing : I have to tone it down a little.)

Posts : 2
Drachmae : 6
Join date : 2014-03-07

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Olympian Parent: apollo
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Post  GeneralArin on Sun Mar 09, 2014 6:39 pm

The bio switches between first and third. You fixed it for the rest of the app.

No Solar Laser beams.
If you're brand new, you only get one changing weapon. I won't allow you to have both. And completely making them vanish and appear is also getting shot down.

You've never been to camp, and you're twelve. How did you get to be an all-star in fighting, parkour, and bring a *doctor, which requires ten years of specialized school.

The "very"s are unneeded unless he's compulsively nice. And witty is an okay choice, but you can't really say everyone finds him funny. You can say most of his schoolmates, but that would go in his bio. And wit comes to play in ways other than jokes. Witty people think on their feet, and are fairly good at improvisation. (Which are reasons why they tend to be so good at quips.) "Mad" is not usually a character descriptior unless it means "literally insane". ADHD hyperness also doesn't count as a personallity trait, since its more related to the disorder.

Overall, I only have a basic, superficial knowledge of your character. Get a bit deeper on how he thinks, reacts to problems, things like that.
Your fatal flaw also needs to have a tie-in with your personallity. Develop both.

"Oh.. you're one of *those* guys. You don't care if someone beats the crap out of *you*, but if someone threatens to lay a finger on a family member you totally freak out."

Jake Arin: Hephestus: CHB
Marcus Rayne: Zeus: Titan Army

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Posts : 2791
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