My charrie (So I can edit it)

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My charrie (So I can edit it)

Post  Thedoctor.forumotion.com on Mon Mar 31, 2014 1:24 pm

Name: Matthew Averill

Age: 13

God Parent: Pistis, goddess of trust

Mortal Family: John Averill

Years in Camp: Just a few months (about 3)

History: Matthew was born into a not-so-good family. His family we his father, a drunkard, and his mother apparently abandoned him at birth. And for his entire life, he anted when people broke his trust. His "friends" who went to the various schools he had been to. They had all lied go hi in one way or another. He never lied. He always wanted to tell the truth to anyone who wanted it and spoke his mind. His father always told him that his mother abandoned him, but Matthew could tell he was almost lying. But when he got to camp, after running away from his father when he was 12, he discovered that his father had almost partly lying. All go parents had to leave eventually. His mother had abandoned him reluctantly, because his father pretended to be a good man, but then he turned out to be what he is today- a lazy bum. So-being the goddess of trust-she left him in disgust. Matthew found this all out from Chiron, who was told to tell Matthew this when he got to camp by the goddess of trust herself. But when he got to camp, he had no idea there would be liars there too.

Physical Appearance: it won't let me post the link so- blue-gray eyes, and light blond hair. He wears light clothes all the time, and is find of blue jeans. He is 5'2" and wears glasses. And he is slightly muscular.

Personality: He never breaks trust with anyone for a bad cause, in a fight, he will not doubt his team members(if he has any) and will follow a given order until he can't anymore, is a people person, due to the fact that they know they can trust him with anything, is pretty optimistic, and doesn't like to be mean. On a tough situation, it kind if depends. He would put his life on the line for anyone who needed help, kind of like Percy's fatal flaw-personal sacrifice(not sure if I worded that right), but that isn't his fatal flaw. He is pretty confident of himself, but doesn't think too highly of himself. Like I said before, he is great with people in general, though he can be shy at times when he is embarresed-by anything in general,(teasing, bullying, ugh I hate to sound wierd and say this but girls, etc.)

Fatal Flaw: Idk what to call it, but he speaks his mind, not unlike the Candor in the divergent series. (he is brutally honest). This could be horrible for him, because it gets him into bad situations with anyone-campers, deities, monsters, etc.

Talents: is this a power?- can tell if anyone is lying, archery, building airplane models, writing

Weapons: Wooden bow staff with hidden celestial bronze blade inside that pops out when taken off its strap on his back. Celestial bronze dagger, about 6 inches long

Other: Um, for any of you who think he is gay by any chance-think again. He and I are 100% straight in every way. And he doesn't talk like a gay either. You might be a chef when you grow up, so learn to not judge.


Last edited by Altair on Tue Apr 01, 2014 8:55 pm; edited 2 times in total

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Re: My charrie (So I can edit it)

Post  GeneralArin on Mon Mar 31, 2014 5:14 pm

For the Fatal Flaw, "speaking his mind" is a bit vague. It can encompass a number of things, like brutally honest, insensitive, or simply impulsive. It also should link up with your personality.

For your personality, the only thing you put in there is things related to trust. (Blind trust, loyal, optimistic and kind, which seems to border on naivete) It does make sense, all things considered, but I'm sure your character has more dimensions than that. Try telling me how he reacts to tough situations, people in general, and maybe a bit on how he views himself-- is he arrogant, lacking in self-esteem, confident? Does he jump into any fight or retaliate to any offence, or is he more easy going? Other than nice, how does he act around people?

And just to clarify on the weapon-- does the blade come out the top, resembling a spear?

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Re: My charrie (So I can edit it)

Post  Thedoctor.forumotion.com on Mon Mar 31, 2014 5:21 pm

I think he is more of the brutally honest kind of guy.
I'll find something for that and edit it in
Let's say he had a staff. Just a regular one. But there is a hollow inside, where the blade is stored. So whenever he takes the staff off of his back, the blade pops out of the hollow until he puts it back in its-holster, casing, sheath? Idk what to call it

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Re: My charrie (So I can edit it)

Post  GeneralArin on Mon Mar 31, 2014 5:30 pm

So it's a hidden knife? Not a technical part of the staff?

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Re: My charrie (So I can edit it)

Post  Thedoctor.forumotion.com on Mon Mar 31, 2014 5:41 pm

Hmm. It is a hidden blade inside the staff, but it's connected to the staff, so yeah, it basically becomes a spear when he pulls it off his back.

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Re: My charrie (So I can edit it)

Post  Cerulaen on Mon Mar 31, 2014 6:54 pm

Y'know, to keep from impaling the odd tall person's face while he's not using it. xP

Jake said pretty much exactly what I was going to, so... yeah. Fix those things.
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Re: My charrie (So I can edit it)

Post  Thedoctor.forumotion.com on Mon Mar 31, 2014 7:43 pm

Shall that I do

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Re: My charrie (So I can edit it)

Post  Thedoctor.forumotion.com on Tue Apr 01, 2014 8:56 pm

Sorry to double post but I edited all that in.

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Re: My charrie (So I can edit it)

Post  GeneralArin on Fri Apr 04, 2014 11:28 pm

Okay, sorry. School stuff. Lots of work, but I'm back.


Not sure where the gay bit comes from, and I don't really think you need to qualify that, unless you really want to make sure that's clear.

And I don't know who "Candor in the divergent series" is, so you're going to need to describe it a bit more specifically.

Alright, so for this sentence: "On a tough situation, it kind if depends. He would put his life on the line for anyone who needed help, kind of like Percy's fatal flaw-personal sacrifice(not sure if I worded that right), but that isn't his fatal flaw." This could be reworded to be a bit more clear and specific to your character. Does he jump in to defend anyone because he's loyal to people he knows? Is he just chivalrous, or loyal to an ideal, or has a touch of chronic hero syndrome? Why? Does he just have a deep care for people? For example, Jake would also jump in and help without thinking twice, but that's because he's very stubborn and dedicated, combined with loyalty and a strong sense of justice. He's also fairly impulsive. Other reasons for jumping into the fray could come from a deep concern for people in trouble, or trying to act heroic. And a touch of impulsiveness helps, if he does so without a second thought. You also have other people who will think it over, but in the end will jump into the fray, which usually is similar, just without the impulsiveness.

The biggest thing right now, for me, is that you should try and reword things so that you aren't referencing other characters to describe your character. Your character is a person that should stand on his own.

_________________
"Oh.. you're one of *those* guys. You don't care if someone beats the crap out of *you*, but if someone threatens to lay a finger on a family member you totally freak out."

Characters:
Jake Arin: Hephestus: CHB
Marcus Rayne: Zeus: Titan Army

Obligatory Signature Images:



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Ty... hellhound.
Agamemnon: Giant robotic transformer dragon of awesome

I'm one of those big, bad Admin dudes. Fear me. Or you know, pm me with important junk.
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Re: My charrie (So I can edit it)

Post  Thedoctor.forumotion.com on Sat Apr 05, 2014 3:33 pm

It's okay.

The gay part comes in cuz a friend of mine asked me if it was gay, I asked him why he would ask that and he said it was obvious. I don't make gay characters, so I put the notice out.

Well te candor are a group of people who always tell the truth and are raised to do so their entire life,(you should really read divergent) and so they never lie

He is an ideals person, I guess.

Ok


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Re: My charrie (So I can edit it)

Post  Cerulaen on Sun Apr 06, 2014 3:03 pm

Well, regardless of you explaining to us what they are, just don't reference other characters for your own character, period. Take out the reference to Percy, and the Candor people, and instead actually describe your character. If he has traits similar to Percy and the Candors or whatever, tell us what those traits are, not who has them besides your character. Also, it doesn't really look like you edited much from what we originally told you to edit...
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