Lyra Nym (DaughterofMusic27)

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Lyra Nym (DaughterofMusic27)

Post  DaughterofMusic27 on Fri Aug 08, 2014 6:28 pm

Name: Lyra Nym
Age: 14
Godly Parent: Dionysus
Mortal Family: Kelly Nym(Mother), Josh Nym(Brother)
Years in camp: 2
History: when she was little the other kids used to stay away from her, they thought she was creepy, she always used to tell them monsters were chasing her, and it was true. She slowly gained more friends in school, mainly because of her personality, looks, and the fact that she could steal food for them. In highschool, she became a popular kid, again because of her personality and looks, however, everyday after school she would get attacked by some sort of monster, then one day she was walking home with her friend, Greg, she got attacked by a monster, Greg turned out to be a Satyr, and took her to camp.
Personality: persuasive, not very loyal, seductive, bit of a flirt, cocky at times, sly, and pretty intelligent. She will react to any situation in a sly, intelligent manner. She will always be rather careful in what she says when talking to people, unless it's a hot guy, she will often... Talk or flirt with them.
Physical Appearance: slightly curly, ashy blonde hair that reaches her waist, eyes the colour of grape vines, and light, pale skin. She is rather thin, and she doesn't show anyone, but she has a scratch from a monster on the left side of her waist. she wears a camp top, ripped denim shorts and black and white sneakers.
Weapons: 4 silver grip knives with grapes carved into them and a sword for backup that she barely uses.
Fatal flaw: over-confidence. When she gets over-confident, she often gets caught in sticky situations.
Talents: singing, gymnastics, and tree climbing.
Other: she has a mild fear of spiders, a major fear of suffocation and being in tight spaces, and she hates getting pranked. She is also a thief, often mistaken for a child of Hermes.

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Re: Lyra Nym (DaughterofMusic27)

Post  Cerulaen on Tue Aug 12, 2014 10:44 pm

Eurgh, sorry about not replying to this right away, things have been busy at home. But let's see...

This app is really short in general, so you're going to need to beef up some places:

Your history has absolutely nothing about her home life, how her relationship with her mother is, etc. Also, you say you've been at camp two years, so you need to give us a little information of what she's done. Maybe how she was claimed, what she's been practicing, etc.

Your personality sounds like that of an child of Aphrodite. Not that a demigod has to be exactly like their godly parent, but they do often get traits from them. If she's going to be like that, I want reasons (history usually explains this) for why she is the way she is--the flirtiness, seductiveness, cockiness, non-loyalty. All those things. A personality is partly who someone is naturally, but also a whole lot of it is how they're raised and shaped as they grow up.

Your weapons says 'silver grip knives,' and I'm not entirely sure what you mean by that (meaning, you grip the knife instead of throw it? Or something?), but in any case, you're only allowed Celestial bronze as a Greek--silver goes to Hunters alone.

Your fatal flaw needs to coincide with your personality. I suppose the flirty and seductive parts do, since shy people aren't like that, but "overconfident" and "careful with her words" seem to clash a bit to me. Just try to explain more why she's overconfident, and especially with how I said in personality--needing to explain why she is the way she is in the History section.

Talents: If she's good at gymnastics, please explain the training she's had for that in History.

Other: Is there a reason for her fear of suffocating? Oh, and something I forgot to mention about the history--why does she steal? Is she poor? Does she have a reason to? Attention? This goes back to you telling me nothing of her home life. Especially since, unless there's an actual reason for the stealing, that trait is more something kept to Hermes children.

You have traits of Hermes and Aphrodite, and none of Dionysus, which kind of confuses me. Is there a reason you wanted to be a Dionysus kid? Cuz I don't really see it. Fix all the things I've mentioned, then we'll take another look.
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