James Cahill

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James Cahill

Post  Minitime843 on Thu Aug 21, 2014 3:23 am

Name: James Cahill

Age: 14

God Parent: Aphrodite

Mortal Family: Dad: Thomas Cahill, Sister: Natalie Cahill

Years in Camp: 0

History: He got along pretty well with his family except for those times he disobeyed his dad and got in fights with his sister. When he was age four he got attacked at his school by a teacher who was really a monster and barley escaped. The next day his dad have him a weapon. At age 7 his dad decided to homeschool him and his sister so he could watch over them. At age 8 he freaked out his dad by not knowing changing the color of his eye. When he was age 10 his dad had him and his sister started a big training routine which was at 7 am run for 5 miles at 10 am climb a hill at 2 pm lift weights for 30 minutes and at 5 pm practice with his sword and his dad helped teach him which saved him when he got attacked by a Cyclopes. At age 14 he and his sister started heading towards Camp Half Blood but when they were almost there they encountered 5 Cyclopes Natalie got killed and he fell in a coma. And some half bloods rescued him and brought him to Camp Half Blood. he awoke week later in camp half blood

Physical Appearance: He is four feet 11 inches, is very strong for his size, you always find him with shorts and a t-shirt. Has Brown eyes but can change their color. He has long Black hair which he can also change the color of.
Personality: He is very shy. Can be very mean but nice most of the times. He never brags about himself or anything he has done before partly because he is shy and because he hates braggers. In a tough situation he can easily deal with it. In a battle he likes to charge up and attack without any plan. He doesn't like doing things by himself. He likes to slow down and take his time so he can do it right the first time. He also doesn't like people involved in his family issues. He is very loyal and does most of his things out of concern for people.
Talents: He can change the color of anything he touches including his hair and eyes he first got yelled at because he changed his pre-school teachers hair from black to pink. When he was eight he changed his eyes to red which freaked out his sister and father. Later when his dad found out he said it was a blessing from Aphrodite
Fatal Flaw: He likes to charge head first into a battle without any plan which can be very dangerous. When he also charges head on it can be dangerous for everyone else because he could accidentally lead the enemy towards them.

Weapons: Has a pedometer that changes into a double bladed staff and yes it works as a real pedometer


Last edited by Minitime843 on Fri Aug 29, 2014 11:32 am; edited 7 times in total

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Re: James Cahill

Post  GeneralArin on Thu Aug 21, 2014 12:55 pm

Cahill? Like Dan Cahill? ...nevermind.

Alright, so a few things. 

First off, your history skips over a lot of details. The first thing I want to know is about the coma. Comas are very serious, and it would mean you were literally unconscious for days. You abruptly fell into one when she died, and make no mention of waking up or anything about how you escaped. 
And we usually require to know a bit about your home life. Your normal routine, your relationship with your family, how you did in school, things like that. 
And why did your dad give a four year old a weapon? And what sort of training? And was your sister a half-blood too? How did you fight off a monster at seven years old?

Physical appearance: You're really short. Especially for a 14 year old. You should probably include hair and eye color.

Personality: Likes and dislikes shouldn't go here. And liking girls is a default for a teenage boy. Personality is how someone acts and reacts on a normal basis. As a rule, how does your character act? Try and put more substantial things, like how they react to problems, people, or general situations. 

Fatal flaw is a personality thing. Girls cannot be your fatal flaw. It must be related to your personality. Building your personality helps decide one, because usually it's just the main part of your personality taken to an extreme.

I don't understand your talent, please explain it to me and justify it.

And for your weapon:... out of curiosity, does this pedometer actually work as a pedometer?


Please fix the issues (preferably by editing the post) and I'll look over it again.

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Re: James Cahill

Post  GeneralArin on Fri Aug 22, 2014 3:44 pm

When I ask "how does he react in situations" I mean, how does he handle it? Is he patient or does he hurry it along? Does he plan it through or make it up as he goes along? Does he ask for help or tries to do things alone? Is he stubborn or is he flexable? If a person is involved, does he do things out of a concern for the person, or does he tend to focus on the situation instead? Is he loyal? If he is, is he loyal out of a sense of commitment, caring, or mainly just general stubbornness? Why doesn't he brag? Just because he's shy and isn't comfortable talking to people? Does he just not like talking about himself? Is he insecure?
There's a lot of different things that you can go into detail about, that actually tells me valuable things about your character.
You said you were reckless in the fatal flaw, that's fine, just bring that into your personality. You didn't mention it at all there.


You didn't explain your talent, you just restated it. Give me some examples, and explain to me why this makes sense for him to have it.


In your history, you should probably tell a bit more about the relationships, like how your family got along with each other. And I'm not sure that the rigor of workout that you put there is healthy for a young child. And you didn't mention any actual school classes, which are usually needed because of a legal standpoint, and to have a basic education. And why does your dad know how to teach swordfighting? Is your sister a half-blood?


And physical appearance should still be sentences, and I think there's a minimum length of four sentences. So maybe just reword things, and tell about things like length of hair and general appearance.

_________________
"Oh.. you're one of *those* guys. You don't care if someone beats the crap out of *you*, but if someone threatens to lay a finger on a family member you totally freak out."

Characters:
Jake Arin: Hephestus: CHB
Marcus Rayne: Zeus: Titan Army

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Re: James Cahill

Post  GeneralArin on Tue Aug 26, 2014 12:34 pm

Alright, sorry. School's coming into full swing now, and I'm still getting settled into the routine. I wanted to hold off until I could actually put some thought in the critique. 


Okay, so just a final note in personality, being reckless and slowing down and taking your time on things seems contradictory. Either word it a bit better to explain what you mean by both, or just pick one. (I'd side with reckless, since that comes up more.) It and the fatal flaw are better, though, so good job.


I'm a bit curious on how your dad knows all of this training stuff, and why he'd subject a little kid to it, and why you're trained in sword skills when you don't even use a sword on a regular basis. 

And I'm still on the fence with your power. Could you give me an explanation why that makes sense for you to have that power? (Tell any limits on the power, how it generally works, and why an aphrodite kid would have it.)

For those last two, you can just answer me in a reply post rather than editing your character sheet.

_________________
"Oh.. you're one of *those* guys. You don't care if someone beats the crap out of *you*, but if someone threatens to lay a finger on a family member you totally freak out."

Characters:
Jake Arin: Hephestus: CHB
Marcus Rayne: Zeus: Titan Army

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Ty... hellhound.
Agamemnon: Giant robotic transformer dragon of awesome

I'm one of those big, bad Admin dudes. Fear me. Or you know, pm me with important junk.
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GeneralArin
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Re: James Cahill

Post  Minitime843 on Tue Aug 26, 2014 1:39 pm

All right for personality I'm going to go that he's more reckless, likes to speed things up.
And his dad was a master of the sword when he was younger and I guess he taught James because he knew the dangers they would be facing
Power limits would be that whenever he used it he would get a bit more tired, and it only works on stuff like walls, clothing, however the bigger the item the more tired he gets. It was a blessing (or curse) from Aphrodite because when he was younger he caused a lot of trouble so Aphrodite decided to give him the power to change the color of stuff.

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Re: James Cahill

Post  GeneralArin on Wed Aug 27, 2014 7:27 pm

Alright, that works. You're approved.
Just wait for another staff member to comment. (If it takes more than a day or so, then I'll just let you rp, though they might come on after and ask questions about something.)

_________________
"Oh.. you're one of *those* guys. You don't care if someone beats the crap out of *you*, but if someone threatens to lay a finger on a family member you totally freak out."

Characters:
Jake Arin: Hephestus: CHB
Marcus Rayne: Zeus: Titan Army

Obligatory Signature Images:



NPCs
Ty... hellhound.
Agamemnon: Giant robotic transformer dragon of awesome

I'm one of those big, bad Admin dudes. Fear me. Or you know, pm me with important junk.
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GeneralArin
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Posts : 2790
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Re: James Cahill

Post  GeneralArin on Mon Sep 15, 2014 1:11 pm

Notes from Ceru:
James:

History:
-          -   Who gives their four-year-old a weapon? That’s just begging bad things to happen, demigod reflexes or not.

-          -   Am I the only one who finds the command “at 10am climb a hill” funny? I’m also just kind of wondering how long they’re supposed to be climbing, since that’s the only one that doesn’t mention a length of time, so originally I thought it was saying “from 10-2 climb a hill.” Which would suck. I think a 10-year-old would collapse. I would collapse.

-          -   What’s the deal with his sister? Is she his half-sister? Did Aphrodite have two kids with their father? If so, why does nothing bad ever happen to her? And why doesn’t she have magically color-changing powas as well?

Personality: He first says that he likes charging head-first into battle all Leeroy Jenkins-like, but then he says he likes to “slow down and take his time so he can get it right the first time.” This is contradictory, especially since his FF is supposed to be his recklessness. Also, his sister just died—does this have any effect on him? Any at all?

Weapons: I’m going to guess the sword is the weapon his father gave him? Does he know about magic, or was it changed to a pedometer after he came to CHB? Why did his father know how to teach him how to fight with it (which I’m guessing is what it’s implying when it says his father teaches him things in his history)?

Random Side Comment: I like the different Aphrodite power. I find it unique and interesting. Bonus points.


For the most part, I'll still let you rp, since this is mostly going into backstory, but be sure to take these changes into account.

_________________
"Oh.. you're one of *those* guys. You don't care if someone beats the crap out of *you*, but if someone threatens to lay a finger on a family member you totally freak out."

Characters:
Jake Arin: Hephestus: CHB
Marcus Rayne: Zeus: Titan Army

Obligatory Signature Images:



NPCs
Ty... hellhound.
Agamemnon: Giant robotic transformer dragon of awesome

I'm one of those big, bad Admin dudes. Fear me. Or you know, pm me with important junk.
avatar
GeneralArin
RP Supervisor/SoldierA

Posts : 2790
Drachmae : 6262
Join date : 2009-05-29
Age : 22
Location : In my own little world....it's okay: they know me there.

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