Pelpheus Babs

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Pelpheus Babs

Post  Pelpheus on Fri Oct 10, 2014 9:31 pm

Name: Pelpheus Babs

Age: 13

God Parent: Apollo

Mortal Family: Brother: Mat Babs Mother: Lyne Babs Step-Dad: Mike Babs

Years in Camp: 0 (New comer)

History: Pelpheus had a hard childhood. He had been moving from city to city in Ontario never having a full year in each one Pelpheus was 3 years old when he went to his first year of school. 2 Kids name Charlie and Marshall we're laughing at him because of who knows what so he started a fight in junior kindergarten. Pelpheus hadn't even recalled doing so but apparently he hit both of them with such force knocking them out instantly. As soon as his mom heard the news they moved instantly. Similar things occurred and got him expelled... But it all changed in 6th grade. Pelpheus was in Sudbury, a city in Ontario, Canada and Pelpheus saw a teacher with one eye, a Cyclops. He told his mom and she and her new found husband moved once again to Ottawa. It was his final move. In Ottawa, Pelpheus was 11, he felt really weird and didnt know what was going on in this big city. He stayed there for 2 years without any incidents until the eighth grade. when he was 13 (8th Grade) Pelpheus had noticed a person approaching him. He was at least 6 foot 5. He came to me and said "ITS TIME". As soon as he got home.. His house was in flames and his mother, Lyne Babs was outside crying with his brother in her arms... He ran to them and asked what happened she told me that the house burnt because he forgot to turn off his lava lamp. His brother was contradicting. He gave him  a "whatever tell me later" look.. As he expected something weird his brother told me this "I.. ughh.. we... saw.. ah ah .. big blue person throw .... a fireball at the.. house.." his voice cracked up and Pelpheus knew he was about to cry. They're mom rushed him and Mat in the car and we drove about 7 hours. Pelpheus kept asking "where are we going?" and she answered summer camp. When they were at a gas station a satyr rushed in their car and explained me about Greek gods.. Pelpheus had read all about them in "MYTHS" but they were real. He ended up at a tree, Thalia's tree.

Physical Appearance: Pelpheus is 5 Foot 5 inches. He is very strong in the legs and the core. He has very good upperbody strength but almost no strength in the arms (biceps). He has brown hair but when in the sun it almost turns golden. He has blue eyes and he is Caucasian (white).

Personality:  Pelpheus is a very nice and kind guy, especially to friends and family. He is very shy and that is why he has no regular mortal friends. He has social problems and cannot sit still with his ADHD. He cannot stay focused on something more than 10 minutes without moving..

Fatal Flaw: Pelpheus is too nice. This hurts him in the field because he feels the need to help anything injured even the enemy. This is bad because it exposes him to unexpected battles which he will most likely lose because he would not be ready for an attack while trying to help someone that is injured.

Talents: He has the ability to read and react. He scans the situation and figures out a plan to either get around or fight the enemy in a discrete way.

Weapons: A mechanical bow made crafted by a son of Haphaestos, on the handle of the bow lays a small Omega symbol. Once pressed it transforms into a cordless Bluetooth. Saying the word "bow" will activate the bow.

Other: Pelpheus's brother and mother are both mortals capable of seeing through the mist.


Last edited by Pelpheus on Sat Oct 11, 2014 1:35 pm; edited 2 times in total

Pelpheus

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Re: Pelpheus Babs

Post  Lily on Fri Oct 10, 2014 11:15 pm

Hi there! Welcome to our site!
Just a few things before you can get approved:
First of all, please stick to third person POV when you're writing. You might want to proofread your writing a little as well, so stick that in a Word document and fix it up.
Your personality is also lacking a little. Please try and explain it more clearly. As for the fatal flaw, what is your character's fatal flaw? Is he too nice, or is it that he holds a grudge forever? Please clarify that.

If you fix that all up, I think you'll be ready to go!
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Re: Pelpheus Babs

Post  Pelpheus on Sat Oct 11, 2014 1:37 pm

Lily wrote:Hi there! Welcome to our site!
Just a few things before you can get approved:
First of all, please stick to third person POV when you're writing. You might want to proofread your writing a little as well, so stick that in a Word document and fix it up.
Your personality is also lacking a little. Please try and explain it more clearly. As for the fatal flaw, what is your character's fatal flaw? Is he too nice, or is it that he holds a grudge forever? Please clarify that.

If you fix that all up, I think you'll be ready to go!


Thank you, I think I have fixed everything including what you mentioned in the PM. Please check it out if you have time, thanks!

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Re: Pelpheus Babs

Post  GeneralArin on Wed Oct 22, 2014 5:38 pm

Please add some depth to your personality. ADHD doesn't count as a part of personality, since that's a disorder and can be a part of several personalities. Add how you react to different situations, how you typically interact with people, and different things on how you see the world.

It would take super strength for a kindergartner to knock anyone out, yet alone in one hit.
Also, who was the fire throwing blue person that attacked them and why did they attack the house instead of them?

It's a bit hard to have upper body strength without having strength in the arms.


Your talent sounds like basic tactics. If you prefer to avoid confrontations/fights, then you should put that in your personality.

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