Lauren Macintosh

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Lauren Macintosh

Post  Penguinsareawesome on Sat Dec 20, 2014 12:59 pm

Name: Lauren Macintosh (Usually goes by Mac)

Age: 13

God Parent: Hephaestus

Mortal Family: Eliza Dooley (Mother, dead) Leslie Dooley (Grandmother, dead) Christopher Dooley (Stepfather, alive) Jamie Dooley (Stepbrother, (alive)

Years in Camp: One week

History: Lauren was born December thriteenth, and Eliza always said her father left a few weeks before she was born. Eliza was a mechanic, and made just enough money to live in a tiny apartment in Memphis. When Lauren was two, Eliza met Christopher Dooley, and married him seven months after. Lauren never liked Christopher, her was mean to her behind her back. Lauren would be equally awful, picking on him and setting up traps for Christopher to get stuck in. Still, Christipher and Eliza had Jamie when she was four. Lauren grew to love Jamie. Eliza was still a mechanic, but Christopher was a successful lawyer, so they moved to a townhouse in Manhattan when she was five. Lauren learned to be agreeable to Christopher to make her mother happy, but still resented him. Eliza died when Lauren was seven. Lauren was sad, but she pretended to be fine. Eliza gave Lauren a small, bronze bracelet, in her will.Eliza left Lauren a note that said it was from her dad, so Eliza always wore it. Christopher showed his true colors, and gave full custody to Leslie. Lauren and Jamie had never met their Grandmother, but began to love her. They lived in a apartment in Long Island. Lauren would make tiny robots that would fight each other for Jamie and Leslie's amusement. Leslie tragically died when Lauren was ten of a heart attack. Lauren and Jamie were sent to a Foster Home. Lauren made herself stronger there to protect Jamie. In that Foster Home, witty little Lauren became tough, rough, strong, and mean Mac. When Mac was twelve, she met Ash. Ash was perky and nice, but stubborn like Mac. No matter how many times Mac tried to shake him off, he still came back. Mac soon admired this quality, and they became best friends. On Mac's thirteenth birthday, she was attacked by a hellhound. Mac, desperate, threw her bracelet at it. Her bracelet became a sword, and her hellhound disintegrated. Ash told her he was a satyr, and took her to Camp Half-Blood.

Physical Appearance: Mac is tall and awkward, and hasn't grown into her limbs yet. She built off muscle, and she's a bit thick, but not over weight. She's mixed, but her skin is really light. Her hair is light brown and curly. Her eyes are hazel. Her face and arms are covered with burns and scars from making and fixing things.

Personality: Mac is blunt, honest, and mean. She will tell you everything you're doing wrong. She teases people, but can warm up to them. She's stubborn, and will stop at nothing to get what she wants.

Fatal Flaw: Mac's stubborness gets in the way. She will stop at nothing to win something. Even if it means hurting someone, or stopping showering or eating.

Talents: Mac is quick and nimble, and can climb things really good, and knows how to pick the tree limbs to support her weight. She can fix and make great robots, and other stuff, but not as good.

Weapons: Mac has a bronze bracelet that can turn into a sword.



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Re: Lauren Macintosh

Post  Cerulaen on Mon Dec 22, 2014 5:16 am

Apparently I’m replying to this at 4:00 in the morning. Because why not. Am I the only one that thinks of Eliza Doolittle when I see Eliza Dooley? Yes? Okay…

This is actually quite the well-rounded app. I only have a few notes.
1) The bracelet to sword transformation is all well and fine, my only concern is the end of your history—where you say your character throws her bracelet at the massive hellhound as a last resort. I’d just like to ask you—if you were being attacked by a giant mutt, would throwing a dinky bracelet at it really be the decision you make that you thought might save your life? Because if you don’t know that that bracelet turns into a sword, your only thought process would be that you’re throwing something that weighs about an ounce, if not less, at a dog as big as a rhino. That’s not going to do anything. So I’d just try to come up with a more plausible way of beating the hellhound. Like, maybe Mac knows about the bracelet somehow or something and tells her to use it. Or the hellhound is defeated another way.
2) The personality feels kinda short, but I can’t think of anything to add to it off the top of my head, so I guess I’ll let it slide. Though for her fatal flaw, I’d kinda like to know what eating and showering has to do with winning something…
3) Then lastly, I was just a bit skeptical about her being “quick and nimble” given her body type. You say she’s of a thicker build that’s basically all muscle, and because of general physics, that would make her less quick than a small person that’s lean or just thin and light. It’s also harder for not-small people to be nimble. So I’m not really sure how I feel about that talent, realistic-wise.

But hey, that’s basically it! Just fix up those few things and you should be good to go.

Edit: Ohhhh wait I just remembered something--what happened to her brother? Was he just left at the foster home...?
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Re: Lauren Macintosh

Post  Penguinsareawesome on Mon Dec 22, 2014 11:46 am


Name: Lauren Macintosh (Usually goes by Mac)

Age: 13

God Parent: Hephaestus

Mortal Family: Eliza Dooley (Mother, dead) Leslie Macintosh (Grandmother, dead) Christopher Dooley (Stepfather, alive) Jamie Dooley (Stepbrother, (alive)

Years in Camp: One week

History: Lauren was born December thriteenth, and Eliza always said her father left a few weeks before she was born. Eliza was a mechanic, and made just enough money to live in a tiny apartment in Memphis. When Lauren was two, Eliza met Christopher Dooley, and married him seven months after. Lauren never liked Christopher, her was mean to her behind her back. Lauren would be equally awful, picking on him and setting up traps for Christopher to get stuck in. Still, Christipher and Eliza had Jamie when she was four. Lauren grew to love Jamie. Eliza was still a mechanic, but Christopher was a successful lawyer, so they moved to a townhouse in Manhattan when she was five. Lauren learned to be agreeable to Christopher to make her mother happy, but still resented him. Eliza died when Lauren was seven. Lauren was sad, but she pretended to be fine. Eliza gave Lauren a small, bronze bracelet, in her will.Eliza left Lauren a note that said it was from her dad, so Eliza always wore it, and was careful to never drop it. Christopher showed his true colors, and gave full custody to Leslie. Lauren and Jamie had never met their Grandmother, but began to love her. They lived in a apartment in Long Island. Lauren would make tiny robots that would fight each other for Jamie and Leslie's amusement. Leslie tragically died when Lauren was ten of a heart attack. Lauren and Jamie were sent to a Foster Home. Lauren made herself stronger there to protect Jamie. In that Foster Home, witty little Lauren became tough, rough, strong, and mean Mac. When Mac was twelve, she met Ash. Ash was perky and nice, but stubborn like Mac. No matter how many times Mac tried to shake him off, he still came back. Mac soon admired this quality, and they became best friends. On Mac's thirteenth birthday, she was attacked by a hellhound. Mac, on the ground, the hellhound on her chest, punched it as her last effort. She missed, but her bracelet hit it, and it turned onto a sword, and Mac defeated it. Ash told her he was a satyr and wanted to take her to Camp Half-Blood right away, but Mac went to say goodbye to Jamie. They exchanged Christmas presents early, Jamie got an army of robots, and Mac got a bronze ring to go with her bracelet, and a picture of Mac, Jamie, and Leslie. She hugged Jamie, who thought Mac was going to a boarding school. Then, Mac went to Camp Half-Blood.

Physical Appearance: Mac is tall and awkward, and hasn't grown into her limbs yet. She built off muscle, and she's a bit thick, but not over weight. She's mixed, but her skin is really light. Her hair is light brown and curly. Her eyes are hazel. Her face and arms are covered with burns and scars from making and fixing things. She always wears a black backpack with tools and scraps of metal and other things.

Personality: Mac is blunt, honest, and mean. She will tell you everything you're doing wrong. She teases people, but can warm up to them. She's stubborn, and will stop at nothing to get what she wants.

Fatal Flaw: Mac's stubborness gets in the way. She will stop at nothing to win something. Even if it means hurting someone, or betraying them.

Talents: Mac is really strong, and can make great robots.

Weapons: Mac has a bronze bracelet that can turn into a sword.



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Re: Lauren Macintosh

Post  Cerulaen on Fri Dec 26, 2014 4:52 pm

Eurgh. I guess no one else is going to give a go at reply to this. Fine. -.-

Everything looks good, exceeeept...I'm sorry to turn it down again...but hellhounds are as big as rhinos. If one jumped on her full force, she'd baaasically be crushed. And probably dead. Is it completely necessary for her to have to find out the bracelet is also a sword by accident? I mean, unless someone randomly shouts out "throw your bracelet at it" like Chiron kind of instructs Percy with the pen, I'm not sure of what other way to surprise her with it. Also, it's a bit unclear on what exactly activates the bracelet to become a sword. Considering throwing it would probably be a rather inconvenient activation transformation.
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Re: Lauren Macintosh

Post  Penguinsareawesome on Sun Feb 15, 2015 4:54 pm

Name: Lauren Macintosh (Usually goes by Mac)

Age: 13

God Parent: Hephaestus

Mortal Family: Eliza Dooley (Mother, dead) Leslie Macintosh (Grandmother, dead) Christopher Dooley (Stepfather, alive) Jamie Dooley (Stepbrother, (alive)

Years in Camp: Five weeks

History: Lauren was born December thirteenth, and Eliza always said her father left a few weeks before she was born. Eliza was a mechanic, and made just enough money to live in a tiny apartment in Memphis. When Lauren was two, Eliza met Christopher Dooley, and married him seven months after. Lauren never liked Christopher, he was mean to her behind her back. Lauren would be equally awful, picking on him and setting up traps for Christopher to get stuck in. Still, Christopher and Eliza had Jamie when she was four. Lauren grew to love Jamie. Eliza was still a mechanic, but Christopher was a successful lawyer, so they moved to a townhouse in Manhattan when she was five. Lauren learned to be agreeable to Christopher to make her mother happy, but still resented him. Eliza died when Lauren was seven. Lauren was sad, but she pretended to be fine. Eliza gave Lauren a small, bronze bracelet, in her will.Eliza left Lauren a note that said it was from her dad, so Eliza always wore it, and was careful to never drop it or take it off. Christopher showed his true colors, and gave full custody to Leslie. Lauren and Jamie had never met their Grandmother, but began to love her. They lived in a apartment in Long Island. Lauren would make tiny robots that would fight each other for Jamie and Leslie's amusement. Leslie tragically died when Lauren was ten of a heart attack. Lauren and Jamie were sent to a Foster Home. Lauren made herself stronger there to protect Jamie. In that Foster Home, witty little Lauren became tough, rough, strong, and mean Mac. When Mac was twelve, she met Ash. Ash was perky and nice, but stubborn like Mac. No matter how many times Mac tried to shake him off, he still came back. Mac soon admired this quality, and they became best friends. On Mac's thirteenth birthday, when she and Ash were on a walk, she was attacked by a hellhound. Ash used her bracelet, which turned into a sword, and defeated it.  Ash told her he was a satyr and wanted to take her to Camp Half-Blood right away, but Mac went to say goodbye to Jamie. They exchanged Christmas presents early, Jamie got an army of robots, and Mac got a bronze ring to go with her bracelet, and a picture of Mac, Jamie, and Leslie. She hugged Jamie, who thought Mac was going to a boarding school. Then, Mac went to Camp Half-Blood.

Physical Appearance: Mac is tall and awkward, and hasn't grown into her limbs yet. She built off muscle, and she's a bit thick, but not over weight. She's mixed, but her skin is really light. Her hair is dark brown and curly. Her eyes are hazel. Her face and arms are covered with burns and scars from making and fixing things. She always wears a black backpack with tools and scraps of metal and other things.

Personality: Mac is blunt, honest, and mean. She will tell you everything you're doing wrong. She teases people, but can warm up to them. She's stubborn, and will stop at nothing to get what she wants.

Fatal Flaw: Mac's stubborness gets in the way. She will stop at nothing to win something. Even if it means hurting someone, or betraying them.

Talents: Mac is really strong, and can make great robots.

Weapons: Mac has a bronze bracelet that can turn into a sword by taking it off her arm and thrusting it out, like she's about to stab someone.

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Re: Lauren Macintosh

Post  Cerulaen on Sun Feb 15, 2015 6:59 pm

Okay. I suppose Ash being able to sense it's magic and whatnot is more believable. How the transformation is actually triggered is another thing, but you know, whatever. You can figure that out in RP or something.

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Re: Lauren Macintosh

Post  Axel The Bunny on Sun Feb 15, 2015 7:06 pm

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