Arron Fange

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Arron Fange

Post  Arron Fange on Sun Dec 21, 2014 11:50 pm

Name: Arron Fange
Age: 16
Parent: Hephaestus
Family: Mother- Anna Fange, died when I was 8, Father- left when I was born, no siblings
Years: 4
History: after my mom died, i was sent to "jerals anger-manageent foster home". i ran away and have been living in the streets and fighting things that keep attacking me since.
Appearance: Fire colored eyes, metallic black hair with curls, about 5"8 and has strong hands, size 14 feet. sually wears red and grey sweatshirt wh cargos or sweatpants manages to make a striped beanie look good. average nose wih slight dimples around it. scars on upper lip, fore-head, eye (now mechanical) and all over hands.
Personality: Funny, charming, witty and can fix almost anything with a paper-clip. usually a good guy and can withstand fire a little longer than normal.
Flaw: Cant stand to see somehing broken. this could be horrible if i had to do somehing but also had the urge to fix something. can be used against me.
Talents: amazing fixer, always funny, can make friends easily and a genuis.
Other: owns a giant rhino called Fang, loves everything electronic.

Arron Fange

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Re: Arron Fange

Post  GeneralArin on Mon Dec 22, 2014 1:52 pm

You posted it in the Welcome section, where you can introduce yourself, instead of in the Character Creation area, where you put the character sheet.
Fortunately for you, the app has been teleported to the proper area.

"Oh.. you're one of *those* guys. You don't care if someone beats the crap out of *you*, but if someone threatens to lay a finger on a family member you totally freak out."

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Re: Arron Fange

Post  Catryn Greyling on Tue Dec 23, 2014 2:11 am

Okay, first things first.

Our character template states that the history section should have a minimum of 8 sentences. His mom died when he was eight years old. How did she die? And what was Arron's relationship with her before then? How did she shape his life? Now, I know close to nothing about foster homes, so I might be wrong about some things, but I've never heard of an anger-management foster home. And from the app, I can't see why he'd need to go to a foster home where they specifically deal with anger-management. I'm assuming that he ran away soon after he was put in the home, as it does not say, but if that is the case, that would mean he spends four years on the streets, fighting off monsters. How could he have survived that long? Also, you say Arron has been at camp for four years. Information on that should be included in the history as well. What has he done in that time? Also, please write this in the third person.

Okay, appearance. This seems mostly good, except for... fire-colored eyes? I'm assuming that would be reddish-orange, and people can't really have red or orange eyes. So I'm gonna have to say no to that. And then it says that one of his eyes is now mechanical. That was never explained, so hopefully you can add a bit of context, probably in the history.

Being able to fix things with paper clips is not a personality trait, nor is being able to withstand fire a little longer than normal. We've got a minimum of 4 sentences in this section, so add some more details that tell us what his personality is like. How does he react to other people, and to different situations? Does he plan his projects carefully or does he prefer to dive right into building and fixing things? How much does he trust other people? Is he open or narrow-minded? Is he bold, or does he shrink away in the heat of a fight?

Your fatal flaw should be in third person as well. And I don't quite get it. Does this mean he's OCD? You'll have to explain it a bit more, and tell me how it's fatal, because compulsively fixing stuff doesn't quite seem like something that would cause your doom. All I can imagine when I think of people using it against him is laying out a broken car or something as a weird version of bait to lead him into a trap, which would be kinda silly.

Also, having a pet rhino is strange, even for a demigod. So, unfortunately, I'm going to have to say no to the giant rhino. Sorry, Fang.
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