Alex Nightengale

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Alex Nightengale

Post  Alex_Nightengale on Sat Dec 27, 2014 10:04 pm

Name: Alex Nightengale

Age: 16

God Parent: Hecate

Mortal Family: Thomas Nightengale (father), Sophia Nightengale (Half-Sister),Clarisa Nightengale(Stepmother)  (Abandoned by family)

Years in Camp: 1 year. Alex had been taken to Camp Half-Blood, he left for a few years and is now coming back.

History: Alex was a nice child, his father didn't have much money, and he paid little attention to his children. And Clarisa, his Step-mother, didn't want another woman's child in the house. She would send him outside whenever she had the chance. Eventually, she turned Thomas against him as well by accusing Alex of stealing money from them. Sophia on the other hand, wanted Alex to stay, she tried to change their mind and for a time it worked, but around Alex's 8th birthday they kicked him out. He roamed the streets, stealing what he needed to survive. He got kicked out of the few orphanages he went to (about two). It wasn't kicked out, but more of sent to a mental hospital. Though eventually he would head back to the streets, either when he was released or when he escaped. He seemed to be driven mad always talking about monsters, and this scared people. At the age of 10 he had been brought to Camp by a Satyr named Barnes. He had been claimed, but never truly accepted. Others seemed to avoid him. One day he decided to leave. When monsters began attacking by the day he couldn't take it anymore and sought refuge back at Camp.

Physical Appearance: Alex is a pale white, average build guy. His black hair goes down a little past his eyes, but he doesn't mind. Alex is slightly shorter than average. He seems to always be covered in dirt, dust, and wounds.

Personality: Alex is manipulative, yet kind. This was caused by his desire to survive on the streets,but he was still the nice and kind boy he was when he was kicked kicked out. He'll get you use you to his advantage, but if your life is at stake he will protect you even at the risk of his own. He is quick witted, and thinks logically. He calculates the more important person in a group, and will protect that person, whether it means his survival or not. Alex is stubborn and narrow minded. He seems to give off a sense of dread and despair.

Fatal Flaw: Alex tends to think for himself and ignore other's ideas, even if the other idea is better. He'll have his mind set and it will be hard to change. He sees his plan the best option, or if he is persuaded enough it will be his plan B.


Talents: Alex is strong with the little magic he knows since he has had six years to practice it.

Weapons: Alex tends to use knives and anything he can find lying around.

Other: Alex's aura seems to bend the mist around him, this can allow mortals in a small range of him to see monsters and other things that the mist can hide.


Last edited by Alex_Nightengale on Tue Jan 20, 2015 7:52 am; edited 3 times in total

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Re: Alex Nightengale

Post  Catryn Greyling on Wed Jan 14, 2015 1:56 am

Uh. Well, I don't think people are legally allowed to randomly abandon their children, especially not if they're a mere five years old. At the very least, his father could have left him at a foster home, unless he was that much of a jerk. Nor would orphanages just kick kids out for absolutely no reason other than the kids seeming creepy to them. I don't know how plausible it is for a five-year-old to survive going around on the streets, anyway. Even if he did occasionally go in and out of orphanages, I think he probably would've ended up dying or something. The abandonment and going around for five years, getting kicked out everywhere and somehow not dying doesn't really seem plausible to me, so you're going to have to justify or change that. And how exactly did he scare people? I also need to know more about his family. If he has a half-sister, who's her mom? What part did she play in his life?

The word 'kind' usually means super nice and compassionate, like Snow White or something. So how can a person be kind, yet have no problem using people? The personality section's really falling flat for me. Whether his friends like him just the way he is or not isn't relevant to Alex's personality, that just tells me what his NPC friends are like. And his aura may drive people away, but how so? Does he have a really obvious I-don't-want-to-talk-to-you-people air to him, or is it something else? Is he quick-witted or slow to understand things, thrill-seeking or easy-going, lazy or hardworking, awkward or smooth, open or closed-off? What are his insecurities and core values? Is he observant, or stuck in his own little world most of the time? How does he react to authority, bullies, and unfamiliar situations and such?

You might wanna delete the "There is a help section on this in the next post if you're still stuck" part that's under your fatal flaw. Also, it sounds more like his fatal flaw's closer to being extremely foolish than being kind. Giving up your life to a treacherous jerk who would only use his life to harm other people sounds like a terrible idea. Helping a Titan lord who seeks to enslave humanity and topple civilization? You'd be condemning all the poor mortals to death, which doesn't sound very nice at all. Perhaps you could just say that he has difficulty with killing enemies, and that hesitation could lead to his demise, or just change the flaw to something.

It's true that Hecate's children tend to have an aptitude for magic, but I'm pretty sure you can't be "exceptionally talented" at something without bothering to learn how to do it. You might want to reword that.

I don't really have anything against using whatever you find lying around, but if you're not practiced in archery and find nothing but a bow and arrows, don't expect your character to be able to use it flawlessly in a fight.

So, those are my notes for now. Sorry if it's a bit much. ^^"
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Re: Alex Nightengale

Post  Cerulaen on Wed Jan 14, 2015 2:08 pm

(And sorry this took forever and a day.)
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Re: Alex Nightengale

Post  Alex_Nightengale on Wed Jan 14, 2015 5:52 pm

Is This Good?

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Re: Alex Nightengale

Post  Catryn Greyling on Sun Jan 18, 2015 3:54 am

Yeah, you've got a lot of good fixes in there. Smile However, I want to know a bit more about his father - how did he treat Alex before he started hating him, and what did Clarisa do to make that happen? And kicking out a kid sounds like a pretty big deal. Did he do something specifically that made them go, "That's it. Get outta here." one day, and made him leave? 

I don't quite understand what you mean by "He calculates the more important person in a group, whether it means his survival or not" so please clarify that.

I still don't like the "exceptionally powerful" part too much. Has he practiced a lot of magic since learning about being a child of Hecate 6 years ago? If so, that should probably be mentioned in the history. And we just want to make sure no one's too OP, so he can be pretty freakin' good at it, if he does 6 years of practice under his belt (and if he's been at it for not as long, his skill level should reflect it accordingly), but not be uber-powerful or anything.

Other than that, I think it's good. So just fix that, I'll approve it, and then you'll just need one more approval and you'll be good to go! Very Happy
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Re: Alex Nightengale

Post  Alex_Nightengale on Mon Jan 19, 2015 10:42 am

Is it good now?

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Re: Alex Nightengale

Post  Catryn Greyling on Mon Jan 19, 2015 11:23 am

Yup! Approved! Now you just need one more staff member to accept the app and you can start roleplaying. Very Happy
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Re: Alex Nightengale

Post  Cerulaen on Mon Jan 19, 2015 2:50 pm

I still don't get the people feeding him grapes thing... The only thing I'm still concerned about, however, is that orphanages cannot legally kick a minor out, whether they're creepy, scary, or whatever. If he was committing crimes they could send him to juvie, but that's pretty much it... That's the only thing I really have a problem with.
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Re: Alex Nightengale

Post  Alex_Nightengale on Tue Jan 20, 2015 7:53 am

Are these changes good?

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Re: Alex Nightengale

Post  Cerulaen on Tue Jan 20, 2015 12:39 pm

Okay, much better. Thanks for sticking out through all our critiques. Approved!

Welcome to the site!
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Re: Alex Nightengale

Post  Alex_Nightengale on Tue Jan 20, 2015 8:41 pm

Thanks!

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