Carson Payne

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Carson Payne

Post  paynetrayn on Fri Jan 16, 2015 8:06 pm

Name: Carson Payne

Age: 14

God Parent: Hephestus

Mortal Family: Diana and Michael Payne

Years in Camp: First arrived January 16th, 2015

History: Father left after Carson was born. Mother resented Carson and he finally snapped. He left in 2010 to walk cross country to Camp Half-Blood

Physical Appearance: About five inches of dark brown hair defying gravity without gel. Metal framed glasses. Hazel eyes, and stocky build. Large scar across right cheek.

Personality:Very protective and won't back down from a fight. Kind of a know it all even though he is mostly wrong. Occasionally flirty.

Fatal Flaw: Pride. Try to challenge Carson in anything and he will keep trying until he wins. Has gotten hurt because of this...

Talents: Amazing at anything with his hands. Whether it's building a car or fixing a radio.

Weapons: Celestial Bronze 30 pound hammer always strapped to his back.

Other: Loves to eat and try new things.

paynetrayn

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Join date : 2015-01-16
Age : 17
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Re: Carson Payne

Post  Lily on Sat Jan 17, 2015 12:52 am

Is it just me, or do I see a Directioner?
Anyway.....
Overall, everything's quite short. I'm not sure if you looked at some of the approved applications here, but we like a little elaboration on your character. Try talking about why Carson finally snapped. Would a 14 year old half-blood just stroll across the country and come to the camp unharmed? Elaborate on his adventure. Tell me more about who he is, and flesh him out. is he good with his hands? Then what did he make? Is that the only thing he's good at?
How did pride hurt him in the end? Ask yourself questions like these as you revise it.
Last but not least, you don't have to state the date of when he arrived specifically. I think 'newly arrived' would be better.
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Re: Carson Payne

Post  Cerulaen on Sat Jan 17, 2015 1:12 am

(As a reference, our apps have sentence requirements for most of the sections that you'll need to look at.)
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Re: Carson Payne

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