Ben Larson

Name: Ben Larson

Age: 12

God Parent: Athena

Mortal Family: First and Last Names. His father is Conner Larson.

Years in Camp:Just got there.

History: Before camp, Ben's father died of a heart attack when Ben was 5. His mother was thought to have died just after he was born. Ben was  living with his uncle until he was 9. Since his uncle  was very abusive,  Ben ran off and was living on the streets, until he met a girl named Beth and a boy called James.He was very angry about how his life had not been the best because of the turnouts. Ben also found a satyr  who started to lead the group to camp. Two years later, the group made it to Half Blood Hill. James died of a poisonous snakebite. Luckily, Ben and the others made it to safety.

Physical Appearance: Ben has blond hair and grey eyes. He is tall for his age. Ben has long legs and arms. He usualy wears a baseball cap.

Personality: Ben is very quiet. He doesn't talk a lot. He gets angry often, because almost nothing that he says makes sense to other people. Ben is known for being a little stuborn. In some situations that involve fighting, he puts all his strength into his swings. in others, he comes up with really great plans. He is pretty unpredictable when he is in a fight. One time he might come up with the plan that saves your life, and the next he doesn't care if you make it.

Fatal Flaw: Ben will always stick to his decisions, even if they are not the best ones. He sometimes takes risks in a fight. He may listen to the plan and agree to do it, but on the battle field, he sometimes makes a plan on the spot without thinking about the possibilities. Ben doesn't always have a backup plan.

Talents: Ben is fast and good at sword fighting. He is good at dodging objects like fireballs.

Weapons: Ben has a Celestial Bronze sword and a Celestial Bronze knife.

Other: Ben likes pizza and tacos.
This has been corrected.

Okay, let’s see. For your history, it mainly needs things in it to be explained better. For one, how did his father die? What was Ben’s relationship with his uncle, and did it have something to do with why he ended up running away? If not, why did he run away? Also, the timing of everything seems a bit off. You say he ran away when he was 9, and he arrived at Camp at 11, so that’s 2 years. But you said it only took the group 2 months to get to camp. So…does that mean that Ben was by himself for the better part of 2 years? Or was he with the group for most of that two years? If the former, it would have to be explained how he survived on his own, and even if it’s the latter, if there’s three demigods together they’d probably run into several monsters, so you might want to explain how they got through that. (As a random comment, it sucks for James to die from something not even magical right before they got to camp. xP Do they have poisonous snakes in New York…)

Personality: Sooo, ‘nice and smart’ are probably the two most generic terms ever. And I don’t mean that in an insulting way, it just really doesn’t let us know anything about Ben’s personality. For one, all Athena kids are smart—that’s kind of their thing. It’s not really a personality trait. If you’re putting it in his personality, do you mean he talks smart? Like, he’s a know-it-all or something? If it doesn’t actually have to do with his personality, it needs to be taken out. Then for ‘nice,’ that just tells me nothing. Also, ‘gets pretty angry at certain times’—I’m fairly certain every person in the world gets angry at “certain times.” Everyone has a snapping point. Unless he gets angry notably more than other people, it’s not something that really characterizes his personality. Really, I’d like you to figure out the traits that really define him, and tell me why he’s that way—while some of a person’s personality is just how they were born, a large part of it is also how they were raised/treated in childhood. So how did his background shape him to be who he was? Along with that, how does he react to different situations? What kind of things get him mad, why is he stubborn, what drives him to be that way?

The fatal flaw should be a personality trait, and you put a fear. That aside, every Athena kid is afraid of spiders, so that’s really not a legitimate thing of note anyway. Your fatal flaw needs to connect to your personality in that you need to take your character’s most prominent trait and almost exaggerate it. For instance, if you picked his trait of being stubborn, his fatal flaw could be something like ‘Too stubborn. Will stick to his ideas/decisions no matter what anyone else says, even if it means losing friends or going off to fulfill his plan alone—thus thrusting him into danger if it has anything to do with monsters, etc.” That kind of thing.

Lastly, you can’t have a steel sword. That would mean you’re killing mortals, and we don’t kill mortals here. Plus, it wouldn’t be hidden by the Mist, so he’d probably get arrested if he brought it on the streets…. So yeah, only Celestial bronze here. Also, back to history since I forgot to write it up there, since he’s been at camp for a year you should say a little about what he’s been doing at camp while he’s been there.

Oh, hey there. Sorry, I don't think any of us noticed that this was edited. ^^" Aaaaaanyway.

The fatal flaw section has a minimum sentence requirement of 4 sentences. Give us examples of his flaw - how it affects his everyday life, and how it could end up killing him.

Reiterating what Ceru said about the personality - how did his background help shape who he is? How does he react in different situations? Also, I don't understand what you mean by "nothing at the time makes sense to other people." Do you mean that other people not understanding what he's saying makes him angry? Please let me know.

Is anyone even looking at this? It's been more than 3 months. Please look at my changes.

Our apologies, Ben. It doesn't automatically notify us when edits are made, only when there are new replies to the topic, so remember to comment and bump the topic to let us know when you've made your changes. Otherwise, it's much too easy for the app to slip our notice.

I say it's fine now. Approved. Wait for another staff member to give their assent as well and you'll be free to roleplay.