Charlie Hook

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Charlie Hook

Post  Darcy Willett on Wed May 13, 2015 3:43 am



Name: Charlie Hook

Age: 14

God Parent: Apollo

Mortal Family: Kelinda Hook (deceased)

Years in Camp: 0

History: Charlie grew up in foster care after his mother died at childbirth. Charlie figured out at an early age that he was different from all the other children. At around nine years old he started to have weird dreams about a strange character. This strange character seemed familiar to Charlie, but he could never put his hands on it. Charlie got into also sorts of trouble around and outside of the foster house. Two weeks before his fourteenth birthday Charlie found a letter from his mum about an amazing camp, how to find his way there and not to worry about paying for it.
Physical Appearance: Charlie has jet black, hot pink and pastel purple hair (Dyed of course). He has amazingly gorgeous brown eyes, with a set of full lush red lips. Charlie is a bit tall for his age. He also had body that looked like he went to a gym every day. He has light olive skin tone. He looks like he belongs in a modeling magazine, or in a fashion show.

Personality: Charlie has a bright and bubbly personality, around new people he can be really shy. Charlie is extremely creative, he loves to write, sing and dance. Charlie is overkill on caring, kindness and loving. He demands respect. He isn’t afraid of showing off his skills in the kitchen and on the battlefield.
Fatal Flaw: Charlie is too nice, caring and full of kindness even to those who have harmed him. He places too much trust into everyone and that has coursed him some trouble in his past. All these things are his fatal flaw.

Talents: Charlie is an amazing cook. He loves to sing and write songs and poems about life and how amazing it is. He is also talented in driving people mad because he can sing and dance way too much.

Weapons: Charlie carries a bronze dagger and a wooden bow and arrow. He prefers to use his bow and arrow but on a very rare occasion he will pull out the bronze dagger.

Other: Charlie has no known powers or abilities. Charlie is a homosexual.


Last edited by Darcy Willett on Sun May 17, 2015 9:45 pm; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : edit)
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Darcy Willett

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Re: Charlie Hook

Post  Axel The Bunny on Thu May 14, 2015 8:30 pm

Ok there are alot of things wrong with this app and no way im approving it unless it gets a massive overhaul. I'll just have to start at the top and go down.

The murdering the mother thing is a little weird, why did he kill her? How did a ten-year old child drown a full grown adult in a bathtub, let alone a bathtub of acid and oil? your history is way too brief and I'm going to have to recommend looking at some of the already approved apps. The other thing is how a child escapes the police and FBI for four years regardless. I'm not even going to acknowledge the powers yet, because I honestly doubt based off this app that you'll meet our standards for big 3, and considering i review all big three potentials now...yeah. You give me pretty much none of his personal history and only summarize some brief events, that's not how we do things though i am aware some sites that are less awesome allow that.

Physical appearance: Considering only one of those hair colors are possible, im gonna assume he dyes his hair. I have no idea what you mean by a bit skimpy, nor how someone has a minor six-pack. also I'd like more detail for this category, because i can't get a good mental image of your charrie from this.

Personality: This does not give me much of an idea of who your character is nor does it give me ideas of how he interacts normally with people. lacks detail and I do not understand what you mean by queer, because that term can be used in multiple ways. from what you have all im getting is shy, queer(which should be explained better), creative, and crazy. You need to give me an idea of who he is, how he interacts with others, how he reacts in different situations. refer to other apps that have been approved for examples.

Fatal Flaw: A fatal flaw is a personality trait, not a random quirk. Usually it's best to choose one trait and expand it to an extreme, then tell how this flaw can be fatal. Jake for example uses stubbornness. He's stubborn to the point where he'll even get caught up in projects and miss meals. I'll pot a reference app from one of the staff for you to refer to at the bottom of this.

I think that's all i got for now, though i might come up with more things you need to fix later. I recommend going for a normal god or goddess, because we have high standards for big 3 and the app itself needs to be near perfect. If you need an example to use as a reference click the link below, also if you keep trying for big 3.

http://half-bloods.forumotion.com/t468-jacob-smith
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Re: Charlie Hook

Post  Darcy Willett on Thu May 14, 2015 9:32 pm

*** YOU
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Re: Charlie Hook

Post  Darcy Willett on Thu May 14, 2015 9:33 pm

it took me two days to do that
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Re: Charlie Hook

Post  GeneralArin on Thu May 14, 2015 9:49 pm

First of all: this is a strictly PG site and obscene language is not allowed.
Second of all, it is literally his job to critique your application, especially as you're applying for the restricted Big Three characters. We hold those to a higher standard than the normal applications, and try to help everyone make new characters.

Do not cuss out my staff again. This is your first warning.
Either fix your app or leave, because if you're abusive to any of my staff or other people on this site, then you will be banned from this site.

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Re: Charlie Hook

Post  Darcy Willett on Thu May 14, 2015 10:43 pm

fine i will make him less crazy and im sorry but that was my first rp application so it was really hard for me to do,
i am sorry for my out bust
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Re: Charlie Hook

Post  Darcy Willett on Sun May 17, 2015 9:46 pm

I HOPE THIS IS BETTER please approve this one
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Re: Charlie Hook

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