Valus Dertha

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Valus Dertha

Post  ValHD on Sun Jun 14, 2015 1:40 am

Name: Valus Dertha

Age: 1

God Parent: Hades

Mortal Family: Mom-Carolina Dertha(Deceased)  Step-Father-David Dertha(Deaceased)

Years in Camp: New

History: Valus Dertha was a quiet child from California.He would try to pay attention and stay away from trouble.However it seemed that trouble always found him.While walking home to school with his new father during 3rd grade  he insisted to his parents that he  saw a snake lady walking behind him.His step father however just told him to stop making fun of the lady that was walking  behind them. This happened several times but Valus was just scolded.However when he told his mother all she said was that it was his imagination.Valus was banned from having a phone and was often teased by other students during 6th and 7th grade. So he asked his mother why he couldnt have a phone and all she said was its too dangerous which made valus curious and he pestered her with questions.One of these questions was who was his real father. The only information that he got was that he was a important buisness man that wasn't allowed to visit him but told val that someday he will learn about him. Even though his mother told him he couldnt visit Valus felt sad but cheered up at the thought that he would learn about his father.She never answered his questions about why he couldn't do stuff normal kids could do so he just sulked off to his room where he read in the dark. So one fateful day he visited  his friend , Diego's , house and he insisted he did a prank call.He hesitantly but finally did the call but there was just silence from the other end.He  was walking home when he saw a house on blaze.It took a moment to register that it was his house.He ran and saw that his parents were lying in body bags  that were being zipped up.He broke down with tears in his eyes.The next day he met up with his friend , Rob , who happened to be a satyr.He explained to  Valus why his mother never let him have a phone, that the snake ladies were real, and that the greek myths were real and that valus was a child of a god. Valus asked Rob who was his dad and where was he.Rob told him that there was a camp and told him that all would be explained there.So they embarked to New York and they eventually got their.

Physical Appearance:  Valus is a tall 5'8''.He has Unruly Pitch black hair that reaches to the top of his ears.He's a fit young man that is Lean and fairly fast.He has dark brown  eyes and Semi-tanned skin from living in California.He Wears short sleeve shirts and if he wears long sleeve shirts he pushes up the sleeve.He Wears shorts and only wears  pants to special occasion.

Personality: Valus is fairly quiet only to talk when he is with his close friends or when he needs to input his suggestions.He forgives his friends easily but is able to keep a grudge easily.He is shy and usually keeps to himself.He likes to be isolated with his thoughts and books.He doesnt feel like he belongs and is always stay quiet.However  he would step up to the plate for his friends.He also goes protective when anyone threatens his friends due to his guilt of not being able to save his family.

Fatal Flaw: Valus's fatal flaw is his loyalty to his friends.This derives from his feeling when he lost his family.When he couldn't be able to save his family. He would fight anyone to protect his friends.To him picking on his friends is virtually the same as picking on him.He would go to the edge of the world to save his friends and make sure his 'family' is alright.

Talents: Valus's talents consist of his his passion of writing.He loves to write small stories in his spare time.He is also great at coming up with answers to problems that intruege him.

Weapons: Valus has two weapons.A Celestial bronze bow with black celestial bronze tipped arrow.Also a Pitch black ring
that transforms into a celestial bronze sword.

Other: Valus loves reading and writing in the dark.He also considers His friends his 'family'.

ValHD

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Join date : 2015-06-13

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Re: Valus Dertha

Post  Axel The Bunny on Thu Jul 09, 2015 2:48 pm

Ok about time i reviewed this, sorry it took so long i've been busy with college papers and my own stories.

I dont see the relevance of the prank call thing unless you put that there to indicate him being responsible for his parents deaths, however the monsters would have tracked him down, not gone after his parents and since you mentioned that he used the phone at his friend's house anyways it really has no relevance.

you're personality needs more added to it, also it contradicts itself a bit, you say he's forgiving but holds a grudge. plus im not gettting much of who he is aside from "loner" you mention him being quiet quite a bit.

please give an explanation of how your flaw is a flaw or fatal. because really loyalty isnt necessarily a flaw.

and I think that's it, sorry for taking so long to critique this.
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Axel The Bunny

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Re: Valus Dertha

Post  ©razy Dude on Thu Jul 09, 2015 3:49 pm

Also, just to add on to a little something that Axel forgot to mention, we're starting to hold children of the Big Three God's more accountable and their applications are suppose to impress us. So, to sum it up, you're basically going to have to put in a little more effort than this.

Add more to the history, personality and fatal flaw; the physical description looks great however.

If you feel like you've done all you can do, I'd be more than happy to give you some pointers on what to put via PM. If you're not interested in doing more, I'd just suggest choosing a minor god/goddess of the Underworld like Nyx or Thanatos.
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©razy Dude

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Re: Valus Dertha

Post  Estelle on Thu Jul 09, 2015 4:34 pm

I think there's a typo in the age. I'm not a mod, but I thought I should point it out.
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Estelle

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