Auorra Winter

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Auorra Winter

Post  Auorra Winter on Thu Jul 16, 2015 2:23 pm

Name: Auorra Winter

Age: 14

God Parent: Zeus

Mortal Family: Lily Winter

Years in Camp: 4 years

History: She was born to Lily Winter a  middle aged woman. She was hated by her mother for being a bastard that caused the loss to her mother's marriage and disownment from Lily's family. She wasn't abused severely as Lily was scared of Zeus. When she was nine her mother was killed by a monster. At that she found about Camp from a Stayr and went there. As she was entering she was nearly killed by a hell hound. Quickly using her dragger and in desperate move lighting she killed the hell hound not before getting severely injured.

She was claimed when she went to Capture the Flag. After she was claimed she began to hate Zeus as he was responsible for her mother not loving her. She began training in camp to never be weak again.

She met a nice daughter of Athena and they became friends. The daughter of Athena who's name is Sia gave her a celestial bronze dragger and sword as a gift for her birthday. Sia became the light in the dark to her. Sia was the one that stopped bullying from other campers. For that Auorra and Sia got closer.

Sia was killed on a quest protecting Auorra and she screamed at the Olympians for not saving her. At that she decided enough was enough she had to get revenge on her friend and secretly renounced the Gods. She is waiting to join the Titans when the time comes.  She trained herself in the martial arts with the help of few campers. They helping her found themselves a new friend. They enjoyed each other's company.

But alas, it wasn't about to last. Her new friends were killed by monsters when they went home for school. She was more closed up more than ever. Though a new daughter of Apollo was able to bring her out of this. They became best friends always being there for each other.

Things were so lighthearted then. Though they were best friends the friendship was broken by a guy. The daughter of Apollo who's name was Dia dated Mark a son of Hermes. She didn't feel Mark was right as she was creeped out by Mark. And she was right, a Mark was dating  Dia for a bet. When Dia found out about this she was broken hearted. She killed herself with the penknife Mark gave her for a gift on her birthday.

Auorra called Mark out for a duel because of this. It was a duel to the death. Mark died because of too much blood loss. They weren't able to heal him in time. After that campers regarded Auorra warily. They didn't want to mess with her and inquire her warth.

Physical Appearance: Auorra  has long shoulder length Raven hair. She has dark green eyes. Her skin color is milky white. Her body is athletic and a bit curvy.

Personality: Auorra is nice on the outside and cruel on the inside. She is the person to smile and befriend someone then stab them in the back when the time comes. She does love few in the camp. She will do anything to save her own skin. She is cold and calculating. She always thinks her plans out. She is a woman who doesn't care if the world does burn down. She made herself have a shy and open facade to others in camp. Most of the campers believe in her facade. She is a manipulative woman who will kill anyone in her path to revenge. She has no idea what to do after she has her revenge. She has no other plans than to get her revenge. She doesn't really plan ahead for the future.

Fatal Flaw: Auorra's fatal flaw is aggroance. She is every bit aggroant as she consider herself a princess of Olympus due to her father. She will sometimes fight someone due to the aggroance that she can win. It will be her downfall



Talents: Martial arts and good with swords and daggers.

Weapons: She has a celestial bronze sword and dagger given to her by Zeus. The dagger can turn into a ring.

Other: None


Last edited by Auorra Winter on Sat Sep 19, 2015 12:41 pm; edited 6 times in total
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Auorra Winter

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Re: Auorra Winter

Post  Axel The Bunny on Fri Jul 17, 2015 1:26 am

Ok This one has alot of work to do, especially if you want Zeus.

-Your history is extremely sloppy, not to mention you have a traumatic death every other paragraph...you need to clean that up.
-im gonna veto the assassin training, because it's simply ridiculous and doesn't really make any sense. Assassins do not randomly teach Orphans how to kill people, im fairly sure it would be bad for business for multiple reasons. Also once again it is ridiculous and merely an excuse to make yourself better than everyone else, so no assassin training.
-you need to explain what her childhood was like,  explain with more details
-It would be nice if you gave a better reason for the child being hated, perhaps she was conceived out of wedlock and cost the mother her marriage? just a suggestion.(not required)
You need more for her personality, Nice is typically a taboo word because it tells us nothing .what traits make up the character? is she manipulative and petty? impulsive and reckless? cold and calculating? all your personality tells me is that she's dishonest and puts up a front.
If you really need the tragic Athena kid death at least give us some idea of her relationship with the girl, and id recommend giving her a name, because this NPC seems to be a crucial part of your character development.
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Re: Auorra Winter

Post  Auorra Winter on Fri Jul 17, 2015 6:42 am

Bump
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Auorra Winter

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Re: Auorra Winter

Post  Axel The Bunny on Sun Jul 19, 2015 11:00 pm

Alright now sorry it took a bit to get back to this, ive been working on a paper so...

anyways I see a definite improvement. I'm fine with the history so far, glad you took my advice as it made much more sense for the mother to hate her if the mother actually lost something.
I'm not all too sure how she could have trained herself in swordfighting, considering she'd need a sword and would have been 9, fighting on the street is more understandable but you give no mention to how she would have survived that year between camp and her mother dying. I feel like that is important, at least if you want Zeus.
back to the self training in sword fighting, it's not one of those things that can be effectively learned through self training, so im not to sure about that, she really doesnt need that early training anyways, seeing as how she'd recieve raining at camp I kinda feel you should take out the early training anyways because it likely wouldn't make too much of a difference considering your person has been in camp for four years.
I don't know how i feel about the martial arts, it's not explained unless you refer to her learning fighting on the street...which would not be martial arts and more akin to brawling. Street fighting is not a legitimate martial art.

I think you need to improve the personality more for if you want to be a zeus kid but other than those things i see no other glaring problems.

sorry for the longwinded rants, but i feel i need to justify my reasoning to show im trying to be fair.
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Re: Auorra Winter

Post  Auorra Winter on Mon Jul 20, 2015 8:30 am

Is the personality okay now or do I need to improve it more?
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Re: Auorra Winter

Post  Axel The Bunny on Mon Jul 20, 2015 12:50 pm

I gueess that's fine for me, approved, wait for anoher staff member's input tthough.
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Re: Auorra Winter

Post  ©razy Dude on Thu Jul 23, 2015 12:03 pm

Sorry for the wait!

Really the only thing that I'd like to see more in detail is her year spent between Camp and her mother's death. That is a seriously long time for a half-blood to live on their own on the streets. So, just add some more detail with that and I'll say improved.

Also, where did she learn the martial arts from exactly??
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Re: Auorra Winter

Post  Auorra Winter on Thu Jul 23, 2015 4:28 pm

Bump
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Re: Auorra Winter

Post  GeneralArin on Sun Jul 26, 2015 5:20 pm

if you fixed Andrew's comment above, approved.

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Re: Auorra Winter

Post  Auorra Winter on Sun Jul 26, 2015 7:21 pm

Yes I did
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