Madi smith

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Madi smith

Post  Paige hewes on Wed Dec 09, 2015 10:19 pm

Name: Madi smith
Age:13
Godly parent : Athena
Mortal family : Jesse smith( Madi father ) , Anna smith ( Madi stepmom )
Years : 1 ( yeah I'm a newbie
History : Jesse smith meet a lady and fell in love . He was builder. On January 3 2002 Athena left Madi on her fathers steps. When Madi was 10years old Jesse smith got married to Anna smith. Madi wasn't a trouble kid her step mom thought she was. Madi was born and raised in Long Island new your. And goes to wewestbury middle school .And found camp half blood by exploring .
Physical : Madi is tall and covered with light brown freckles . Her hair is short dirty blonnd and in a ponytail . She has blue eyes and black glasse . Madi has a nose piercing .Madi is strong , skinny and fast.
Persionally : Madi is an quiet . She say things before thing them . She also doesn't care what people think of her. Madi is loyal and a best secret friend . Madi is observer not a leader . She brave and stand up for herself .
Flaws: Madi hates spiders the creepy creature . If Madi sees one she won't stop screaming Intel someone kills it .
Talents: Madi is wise and smart . And Madi read up things a lot .
Weponds : Sword and hands . Madi found it one day in the woods
Others:Madi like to explore and swimming . She always has musica near her .

Paige hewes

Posts : 22
Drachmae : 48
Join date : 2015-11-19

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Re: Madi smith

Post  Axel The Bunny on Thu Dec 10, 2015 12:51 am

Ok first off I'm going to have to ask you to stop making new topics for apps, because it is getting annoying and you arent deleting the old ones, so it is cluttering the apps section.

Now onto the character themselves, I'm going to have to ask you to clean up the spelling and grammar, because it is a bit illegible. But I'll give you my critique on what I can understand. I would understand a few typos here and there, nor do we expect perfect grammar however when the app is actually painful to read that is where I draw the line.

First off how does the stepmother dislike her? you don't explain enough also you need to expand on your history. This is your life up until this point in time, so we're going to need more detail here. As well as for you to make it more understandable. You mention she is not a problem child (that is the actual term, not trouble kid) but do not actually elaborate, nor do you give any real detail on your character's backstory.

Personality needs more elaboration and more added to it, but the biggest problem is that it is difficult to interpret due to bd spelling and grammar.
Flaw: Fatal Flaw needs to be a PERSONALITY trait, a phobia is not a personality trait it is a quirk. I believe I have previously given you several apps to use as reference, if not I'll copy paste Jake's explanation of it below.

What do you mean by hands? Does your character know some kind of martial arts or fighting style like that? if so you need to justify that in history, even if only briefly.


Your biggest issue is grammar still it seems like you are ignoring grammar rules to meet sentence requirements, and I'm going to go ahead and say now that won't get you anywhere because content is more important than how many sentences you technically have. Like I said Im not going to hold you to standards of perfect

Now for Jake's explanation of the Fatal Flaw

"Fatal flaw is a personality shortcoming. This means that it's a major part of your personality, not some random quirk or overdramatic occurrence. One of the easiest ways is to take the most prevalent part of your personality and stretch it until it becomes a problem. For example, Jake is a determined character. However, Jake's determination quickly becomes stubbornness, which leads to problems giving up when it's impossible, cutting losses, or just not switching gears and at least pausing a project for food. Be sure to describe how this shortcoming affects your character in detail, going beyond "it's bad". Say how it could potentially kill your character, and maybe think about how it affects normal life too"
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Axel The Bunny

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Re: Madi smith

Post  Paige hewes on Thu Dec 10, 2015 1:01 am

I quit I tried okay? And I have delexa . So you don't understand . And I can't delated them .

Paige hewes

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Re: Madi smith

Post  Axel The Bunny on Thu Dec 10, 2015 2:06 am

First off dyslexia does not mean you are incapable of copy pasting into word and running a simple grammar and spelling check, I am not trying to be mean or cruel, however it doesn't stop the fact I have trouble understanding the app. If you have a disability that makes it more difficult then you need to work to overcome that. I am not trying to be mean and am willing to meet you halfway on this. Still this is a writing site and I refuse to allow a free pass simply because you have a disability, as it would be unfair to others.
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Axel The Bunny

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Age : 21
Location : Causing needless destruction

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Olympian Parent: Axel-Hermes. NIx: Hephaestus
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