Lilac Skyfall- New application

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Lilac Skyfall- New application

Post  LilacSkyfall on Fri Feb 19, 2016 10:50 pm

Oh jeez I hope this works Smile  Got my fingers crossed!


Name: Lilac Meadow Skyfall

Age: 12

God Parent: Athena

Mortal Family: Sebastian Skyfall (father), Leo Skyfall (little brother), Maria Skyfall (deceased, little sister)

Years in Camp: None yet

History: After Lilac was born as a 'brain child', Sebastian denied that Lilac was alive. Lilac was always ignored at home, like she didn't exist, which, apparently, she didn't. When Lilac turned eight, she had a vision of her mother, whispering instructions on how to leave, and get as far away as possible. Lilac listened to the advice, but didn't use it until after her tenth birthday. On her 10th birthday, an Empousa showed up, and as Lilac was fighting, the Empousa struck, leaving a large cut on her arm. Her little sister Maria intervened between them to try and save Lilac, but the Empousa killed Maria, and that image had haunted Lilac ever since. That night, Lilac slipped out of her window and managed somehow to make it to Maine, from where she lived in NY. Lilac lived out on the beach for about 1 year, until a fellow half-blood found her and they managed to get to camp, after a skirmish with a Manticore, which the half-blood, (who was named William) was nearly killed in by the creature.

Physical Appearance: Straight brown hair. She always wears flower crowns. Lilac has her mother's eyes, the grey ones that look like they are thinking of 1 million things at once. She was pale skin and freckles, and everyone she knows tells her that she looks like her father. Is too skinny, and is tallish. (when she first arrived at camp, most thought she was a child of aphrodite.)

Personality: Lilac is very smart, being a child of Athena. She is very empathetic to other people, and is kind, in a stern way. Lilac is also a bit shy, but is friendly once you break her out of her shell. She is deathly afraid of becoming immortal, and will avoid the subject. Lilac is very protective of people, even of whom she does not know.

Fatal Flaw: Excessive personal loyalty. Lilac is overprotective of people she doesn’t even know, and will do a lot, too much, to prevent people from dying, even if it means sacrificing herself.

Talents: Math (mostly Algebra), doing makeup, archery, and writing. Lilac writes stories and sends them unmarked to Athena.

Weapons: Lilac mostly fights with a bow, with arrows made of Celestial Bronze. She keeps a celestial bronze sword as backup.

Other: She is afraid of becoming immortal because she thinks that she will, 1. forget everyone she loves, and 2. be hated by a lot of people for being immortal.

LilacSkyfall

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Re: Lilac Skyfall- New application

Post  Axel The Bunny on Sat Feb 20, 2016 2:42 am

Alright let's see... where is my comments on this... ah here it was....


Ok so first off, why did Sebastian ignore her? typically genius kids are showered with attention and the none genius kids are ignored, also if he pretended she didn't exist then who fed her? took care of her? a child, especially in the younger years requires constant care.

Why did Athena warn her, the gods are typically hands off with their kids, the only reason Percy occasionally gets some semblance of guidance is because protagonist. Also as far away as possible? Maine isn't really as far as possible, though I do feel you need to give an explanation for how a minor traveled so far, It isn't exactly down the block. Further more I'm just going to say it the beach idea is stupid. Beaches aren't exactly great places for survival, especially if you are a runaway with no prior survival experience. Heck even for those with survival experience, a beach isn't exactly I good place to live when you lack shelter.


Why would another demigod be stumbling around a beach in Maine on the way to camp? and WHY DID SHE GO TO MAINE? Even putting aside the fact i doubt she could just walk to maine, why would she head east? If she was advised to go as far as possible it would only make sense for her to go west, towards the rest of the country, not east from the state of New york, considering there really isn't much you can put between yourself and New york. Especially considering this kid is SUPPOSED to be some kind of genius.

Now onto personality

your character seems a bit too perfect so far. Brains, beauty, and generally friendly. you have yet to really give any actual flaws to this character. Also becoming immortal is not exactly common, heck the books state that it's rare for the gods to allow anybody to become immortal, which is why Percy being offered immortality in the end of the first series was such a big deal, this is something that wouldn't have happened in CENTURIES. as well as the fact it isn't really a personality trait.

A character is supposed to be a person, they should have flaws as well as good points, right now your character comes across as too perfect and a bit of a "Mary Sue." Heck even down to the unnecessary tragic backstory.

My suggestions are to fix personality as well as give some information for the history. Why Maine, Why did she have to go away, Why was the father abusive (emotional abuse/neglect still counts as abuse) How did she survive a year on her own and how did she get to the beach? there are far too many loose ends within your history in my opinion. fix these and then I'll give it a second look.
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Axel The Bunny

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