Nightshade Deathtear-Character Aplication

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Nightshade Deathtear-Character Aplication

Post  Nightshade_Deathtear on Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:51 pm

Name: Nightshade Deathtear

Age: 11

God Parent: Nyx

Mortal Family: Daniel Deathtear-Father, Sissteen Deathtear-twin Sister(half-blood), Heather Deathtear-Stepmother

Years in Camp: 1

History: When Nightshade and her twin sister Sissteen first arrived at the Deathtear household, they were left on the doorstep in a weaved basket of black reed. When Mr.Deathtear heard the doorbell ring, he found two identical little girls wrapped in black blankets. They each had name tags tied to their fingers loosely. Of course, when they were ten, and going to middle school, the minotaur attacked, giving her the scar that makes her half blind(she fell over and ripped her skin on a rock). Sissteen, however, did not survive. And that was when they were first introduced to camp half-blood. Their only friend in school, Doren, a satyr in disguise, brought her to camp. It was a few days after that that she got claimed, and a few days after that that she discovered her powers, night vision, and short distance shadow travel, although it would be very difficult, and if she went more than a few yards, she would either vomit or pass out. She stayed there for a year, decided to go year round, and earned her bead.

Physical Appearance: Nightshade has sleek, long, dark teal hair(dyed because she wanted to look different, her natural hair color is black). When she isn't wearing a camp half-blood t-shirt, she will be wearing a black t-shirt with a pack of howling wolves on it. She wears ripped jeans and a leather jacket. Her eyes/eye is/are piercing gray and she has a deep scar that runs from her left eye to her bottom lip. Her figure is slim, almost stick-like, and she is able to use the strength of her opponent against them from her martial arts training and has great reflexes. She also wears fingerless leather knuckle gloves-black.

Personality: Nightshade is shy and introverted. the few friends she has, know that she's incredibly insane(figuratively, of course, she is just incredibly strange, like, she likes to dip pizza in Cola.), but to everyone else, she's just smart and silent. Even though she doesn't have many, the friends she does have, she would take a bullet for them. If anyone hurt or attempted to hurt them, they would end up with at least one thing broken, not including their dignity.

Fatal Flaw: She is incredibly over-protective of her friends. If anything were to in any way hurt them, she would quickly tend to their wounds, without caring that, for example, they were currently getting burned by a flaming whip(furies). She is also EXTREMELY claustrophobic-she will have a panic attack in an elevator.

Talents: Nightshade is astounding with a pencil, although her art-style is a bit cartoony. She is also an amazing singer, almost as good as the Apollo kids. She also seems to have a way with animals, although she specializes in wild nocturnal creatures. She is also trained in karate. Of course, she did not get far, only has a brown belt in Karate.  

Weapons: Two twin daggers made of celestial bronze. She is also seen carrying celestial bronze battle axe with Nyx's symbol on the blade.

Other: Her friends are Sissteen, some Athena kids, and some Hermes pranksters of course. Also, although she and her sister were BFFs, they were complete opposites, even their fears were opposites, that's probably why they liked each other so much, but despite all that, they were still the only ones that understood each other, her mourning period was extremely difficult, and she never will recover fully.


Last edited by Nightshade_Deathtear on Tue Mar 14, 2017 8:41 pm; edited 15 times in total
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Re: Nightshade Deathtear-Character Aplication

Post  Sherlock on Sun Feb 12, 2017 3:41 pm

I don't mean to be rude but, I thought that in the "About Our Site" they said that this was after Percy Jackson's time.
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Re: Nightshade Deathtear-Character Aplication

Post  Zach on Tue Feb 14, 2017 12:41 pm

Sherlock is correct, this is after Percy's time, so those character's are not around.

For my suggestions, keep in mind that while I am not staff, and I can't  give official advice or approval, I am the only veteran person, and I know how they like to approve characters.

My first note is the name. I think it's cool. But I also think that it is important to explain why/who named her that. It's not very common for normal people to name babies after poisonous plants.

Is Doren a satyr? Is her teal hair dyed/why did she dye it? How did she get her scar? In what way is she insane?

Now, as to the uncontrollable strength. Is that like a superpower type of strength, or is she just really strong. (I will note that the superpower type of strength would likely not be allowed.)

If you want to answer those questions, feel free to edit your post and let me know. Overall, I like the app. It has a good amount of thought put into it and gives a good feel for who Nightshade is as a person.

Also, please review this post to understand what the site is going through right now.
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Re: Nightshade Deathtear-Character Aplication

Post  Nightshade_Deathtear on Sun Feb 19, 2017 12:01 am

Thank you for the input. I think I fixed it for the most part, but let me know if I did something incorrectly. As for the compliment on thought, thank you, that really made my day, I really wasn't expecting that, I really don't think of myself as a "satisfactory author."
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Re: Nightshade Deathtear-Character Aplication

Post  Zach on Mon Feb 20, 2017 1:22 pm

Much better! And you're welcome!

One of the strengths of your application is being thorough, which I appreciate.

I will see if a staff member is available to take a peek.
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Re: Nightshade Deathtear-Character Aplication

Post  Axel The Bunny on Tue Feb 28, 2017 11:18 pm

No excess strengrh, if you want your character to have a light build then you need to accept that which comes with it, and Nyx isn't really associated with strength. Is it more she knows how to use her strength efficiently, that would make more sense with the martial arts background.

Speaking of which your going to have to be more specific on what styles she would know, since martial arts tends to be a rather diverse range of specializations and different types have different belt ranking systems, also the fact that I'm going to have to know how many styles.

For powers lose the shadow travel, it's only a hades power as far as I'm aware.

I'll give it a more indepth reaD later on, since I only skimmed this on my phone, but the only other thing I have to comment on is the name, that name is a bit cringy, you are fine to keep it but...yeah I'm going to need a better description on what you meant by shadow manipulation as well




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Re: Nightshade Deathtear-Character Aplication

Post  Axel The Bunny on Thu Mar 02, 2017 11:04 pm

No time powers, that is something we refuse to allow on this site in general, its too gamebreaking. for the short range shadow travel im going to need to know what you deem short range... Id say it'd have to be extremely taxing, likely single use since you would be weaker than a hades kid.

none of those styles use a persons own strength against them they are more combatitive styles. Id argue a better case would be Taichi Aikido and Judo. and those arent particularly high rankings anyways. Id just have one style and be a higher belt such as a red belt or black. and Id personally recommend Aikido as a style for that. As for Kungfu if you want to have it there are more than a hundred styles of kungfu-speaking as somebody who has generally studied martial arts and follows them as a hobby now.
and now some issues i didnt address.
Python as in The Python...um you do realize thats a rather powerful monster that had to be killed by a god, not exactly a small fry. and how exactly did she get the scar.... from the minotaur, asking for clarification.


if the outbursts of speed is an additional power it's vetoed, otherwise im just going to take it as good reflexes.
A scythe isnt a very effective weapon, contrary to popular belief they are unwieldy and are simply not designed to make for good weapons. Putting it on a chain merely would make this issue from "not effective" to "potentially self harming" The closest i can see working would be a Kama and that requires special training to use effectively.
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Re: Nightshade Deathtear-Character Aplication

Post  Cerulaen on Sat Mar 04, 2017 5:14 am

First off, would like to say please overlook Ax's bluntness, he likes to be mean in his critiques, it's his things. Don't pay him much mind in that case. (Pay mind to his critiques, aside from the comment about the name, you can use pretty much whatever names you want, even if they're weird. I have weird character names too. xP)

As for actual critique, the only real note I have is about the twin. She doesn't seem super applicable here? My only main concern is that she doesn't seem to have much of a purpose or influence in Nightshade's life other than just being there. I actually am a twin, so I know we're not together every moment of the day, but for the sake of RP I'm not sure if there's much point in Nightshade having a twin sister who also goes to Camp if she's just going to be here in the app then never mentioned again. Is she going to be interactive within your posts a lot? Obviously you can't RP her from her POV as well, since that would be having two characters, but if she's going to be here I would like to at least see that she is relevant, also maybe give a bit more information about her if you would like to include her. Twins means two people, which means some extra work on your part if you want to make it work (double trouble yo). I'm not saying you have to make a whole other application or anything, but maybe just some more information about who this twin is and how she plays into Nightshade's life if you would really like to keep her. So far, I mainly just see Sissteen being there.
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Re: Nightshade Deathtear-Character Aplication

Post  Axel The Bunny on Sun Mar 05, 2017 4:20 pm

Alright well alot of my problems have been fixed  Id recommend changing martial arts style, and sticking to one style, possibly with a higher rank. I'd specifically recommend Aikido. Theres also the point that Kungfu or Kenpo as the Japanese call it, is not a singular style but an umbrella term for over a hundred styles of martial arts.


Id just delete most of this " but she the advantage of using her opponent's strength against them(like you wouldn't be able to stop her, it's not like she can do things that any other demigod could do, she just has good reflexes) " and just write that she has good reflexes, and her martial arts training gives her the advantage of knowing how to use an opponents strength against them. This is just to make it easier to read and clean up, not a requirement.  


Um that's less of a monster, monsters are typically you know...greek monsters a python is just an animal. and ball Pythons arent even dangerous so....
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Re: Nightshade Deathtear-Character Aplication

Post  Nightshade_Deathtear on Mon Mar 13, 2017 9:46 pm

Okay, I've fixed most of the stuff, but I don't know how to fix the python thing. I've been researching as hard as possible, but the only thing that comes up is the strongest ones. Do you have any suggestions? A specific monster? Should I just get rid of the event altogether?
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Re: Nightshade Deathtear-Character Aplication

Post  Axel The Bunny on Mon Mar 13, 2017 10:06 pm

Id recommend removing it, also i did ask to remove two of those styles, so you could just focus on the one, it appears you've chosen based on you giving that a higher rating. Karate so that works, just remove the Taekwondo and Kungfu and stick with that then.

I'd just take out the part with the Python thing.

I dont really have any other problems here so fix those and you can I'll say approved, wait for another staff to comment though.
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Re: Nightshade Deathtear-Character Aplication

Post  Axel The Bunny on Sun Apr 02, 2017 7:39 pm

Approved.

And I guess since none of the other staff have touched this you can go ahead and RP
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