Ken Renata

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Ken Renata

Post  §WØ®∑ÅN on Tue Apr 03, 2012 9:45 am

Name: Ken
Age:13
God Parent:Athena
Mortal Family: First and Last Name/s: Jonathon Renata
Years in Camp:0
Brief History: Lived In panama city beach for a good portion of his life. There He played a lot of paintball and air-soft. He Also did a lot of sword play with latex Sword and shields.Trained in wal lum kungfu,kempo,Brazilian jujitsu and wingchung. Ran Away when house was attack by monsters. They had burned every thing he knew to the ground. Ran up north and is in a forest 80 miles away from camp half blood.
Physical Appearance: Short and thin. Has Brown spiky hair and dark woody brown eyes. Has a scare on his right shoulder and a scar on his left leg. They look like flames.
Personality: Can be very on going. Is clever and can figure out problems. Dose not talk much about his old life. Very sneaky and can set up ambushes in a snap. Did I mention hes hyper some times. Unless he is tired don't and I repeat don't give him coffee. That will keep him hyper for the rest of the day.
Fatal Flaw: Will do anything to take down the enemy. He would even run behind enemy lines and and go right up to the most important enemy in battle or jump building to building to get to a enemy.Heck he would even have his army fight until they win or die. Even if it ment he would die himself. What I am trying to say is he dose not give up easy and will do risky things just to win.
Talents:Great a swordplay strategy and has long endurance.
Weapons:Longsword and shield with a blue complexion
Other:a neck lace with a blue circle and a red 5 point star and another necklace that is just like it but the colors are in reverse. it has red circle and a blue 5 point star. always in pocket.



Last edited by CONDOR on Wed Nov 28, 2012 3:32 pm; edited 8 times in total (Reason for editing : I needed to change the other)
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Re: Ken Renata

Post  Kristina on Tue Apr 03, 2012 4:06 pm

Okay... well I need more description in EVERYTHING

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Re: Ken Renata

Post  GeneralArin on Tue Apr 03, 2012 8:22 pm

For the fatal flaw, it should be more of a character or personality weakness. "not too strong" is a physical weakness, and can be overcome with the proper strategies and work. Perhaps he's too closed, and refuses to allow people in. Maybe he doesn't have much self-confidence. When you pick a flaw, tell how it affects the character.

Try and smooth out the personality description, right now it's rather unrelated fragments. Keep in mind you're describing a person, not a paper doll. If you're having trouble, think of how your character will react to different situations.


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Re: Ken Renata

Post  §WØ®∑ÅN on Sat Apr 07, 2012 11:19 pm

GeneralArin wrote:For the fatal flaw, it should be more of a character or personality weakness. "not too strong" is a physical weakness, and can be overcome with the proper strategies and work. Perhaps he's too closed, and refuses to allow people in. Maybe he doesn't have much self-confidence. When you pick a flaw, tell how it affects the character.

Try and smooth out the personality description, right now it's rather unrelated fragments. Keep in mind you're describing a person, not a paper doll. If you're having trouble, think of how your character will react to different situations.

Is this good enough for personality problem
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Location : In the usa but if i gave you more info i would have to kill you. that or i was support to give any one who knew where i lived and who i was a gift basket. i don't remember. Oh i I KNOW. wait i forgot again. I GOT IT BACK AGAIN. forgot. LOST FOUND LOST FOUND LOST FOUND(this may be awhile.) I also noticed i got the longest exscuse for why i am not giveing my location and the most stupid one as well. Do I get a REWARD? maybe a WORLD RECORD? yes? no? MAY BE SO?

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Re: Ken Renata

Post  GeneralArin on Sun Apr 08, 2012 2:57 pm

The personality is better, but it merged with the Fatal Flaw category.

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Re: Ken Renata

Post  §WØ®∑ÅN on Mon Apr 09, 2012 5:05 pm

GeneralArin wrote:The personality is better, but it merged with the Fatal Flaw category.
how about now Laughing Mad Arrow Arrow
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Location : In the usa but if i gave you more info i would have to kill you. that or i was support to give any one who knew where i lived and who i was a gift basket. i don't remember. Oh i I KNOW. wait i forgot again. I GOT IT BACK AGAIN. forgot. LOST FOUND LOST FOUND LOST FOUND(this may be awhile.) I also noticed i got the longest exscuse for why i am not giveing my location and the most stupid one as well. Do I get a REWARD? maybe a WORLD RECORD? yes? no? MAY BE SO?

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Re: Ken Renata

Post  GeneralArin on Mon Apr 09, 2012 5:11 pm

Yes, personallity's better.
(I like your Edit discription, by the way)

Now, for fatal flaw, it's still off. It's one major personality characteristic that is your character's short coming. To help you think on it, it's the part of the personality that will most likely be the death or failing of your character.

For example, my characters have recorded:
"Extreme Loyalty" and "Control Freak"
These are just the overall feature, but don't really tell much how it affects your character.
For Jake's "Extreme Loyalty" I added the discription: "Jake is the kind of guy who will take the bullet for you. He often ignores his own pain and troubles for the sake of easing the burden on someone else. Tie this in with impulsiveness, and you'll likely see him risking the quest, and his life, for the sake of rescuing one"
For Mark's "Control Freak", I added: "Mark always has a plan. It's always a solid plan, too. Though for some reason, people don't believe him or seem to think their plan is better. That frustrates Mark to no end. He likes making plans and seeing them properly executed, and when a plan goes wrong... you better stand clear."

TL;DR
It's a single personality short coming.
Don't just tell what it is, but discribe it more. Basically, tell how it could ruin your character.

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Re: Ken Renata

Post  §WØ®∑ÅN on Mon Apr 09, 2012 5:28 pm

Okay is it good now
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Location : In the usa but if i gave you more info i would have to kill you. that or i was support to give any one who knew where i lived and who i was a gift basket. i don't remember. Oh i I KNOW. wait i forgot again. I GOT IT BACK AGAIN. forgot. LOST FOUND LOST FOUND LOST FOUND(this may be awhile.) I also noticed i got the longest exscuse for why i am not giveing my location and the most stupid one as well. Do I get a REWARD? maybe a WORLD RECORD? yes? no? MAY BE SO?

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Re: Ken Renata

Post  GeneralArin on Mon Apr 09, 2012 11:02 pm

You should get rid of the other things in the Fatal Flaw, because they don't really fit there.
Expand more on how "Doing anything to take out the enemy" will affect him. Right now, it just seems like another character trait.

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"Oh.. you're one of *those* guys. You don't care if someone beats the crap out of *you*, but if someone threatens to lay a finger on a family member you totally freak out."

Characters:
Jake Arin: Hephestus: CHB
Marcus Rayne: Zeus: Titan Army

Obligatory Signature Images:



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Ty... hellhound.
Agamemnon: Giant robotic transformer dragon of awesome

I'm one of those big, bad Admin dudes. Fear me. Or you know, pm me with important junk.
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Re: Ken Renata

Post  §WØ®∑ÅN on Tue Apr 10, 2012 10:56 am

Is it good now
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Location : In the usa but if i gave you more info i would have to kill you. that or i was support to give any one who knew where i lived and who i was a gift basket. i don't remember. Oh i I KNOW. wait i forgot again. I GOT IT BACK AGAIN. forgot. LOST FOUND LOST FOUND LOST FOUND(this may be awhile.) I also noticed i got the longest exscuse for why i am not giveing my location and the most stupid one as well. Do I get a REWARD? maybe a WORLD RECORD? yes? no? MAY BE SO?

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Re: Ken Renata

Post  §WØ®∑ÅN on Sat Apr 14, 2012 3:34 pm

Will this work now
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Location : In the usa but if i gave you more info i would have to kill you. that or i was support to give any one who knew where i lived and who i was a gift basket. i don't remember. Oh i I KNOW. wait i forgot again. I GOT IT BACK AGAIN. forgot. LOST FOUND LOST FOUND LOST FOUND(this may be awhile.) I also noticed i got the longest exscuse for why i am not giveing my location and the most stupid one as well. Do I get a REWARD? maybe a WORLD RECORD? yes? no? MAY BE SO?

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Re: Ken Renata

Post  Wes on Sat Apr 14, 2012 3:34 pm

The member 'CONDOR' has done the following action : Dice roll

#1 'Attack' : 5, 11, 31, 27

--------------------------------

#2 'Defence' : 11, 11, 3, 10, 7, 16, 3, 11
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Re: Ken Renata

Post  §WØ®∑ÅN on Sat Apr 14, 2012 3:35 pm

Wes wrote:The member 'CONDOR' has done the following action : Dice roll

#1 'Attack' : 5, 11, 31, 27

--------------------------------

#2 'Defence' : 11, 11, 3, 10, 7, 16, 3, 11
What the world
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§WØ®∑ÅN

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Location : In the usa but if i gave you more info i would have to kill you. that or i was support to give any one who knew where i lived and who i was a gift basket. i don't remember. Oh i I KNOW. wait i forgot again. I GOT IT BACK AGAIN. forgot. LOST FOUND LOST FOUND LOST FOUND(this may be awhile.) I also noticed i got the longest exscuse for why i am not giveing my location and the most stupid one as well. Do I get a REWARD? maybe a WORLD RECORD? yes? no? MAY BE SO?

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Re: Ken Renata

Post  §WØ®∑ÅN on Mon Apr 16, 2012 6:50 am

GeneralArin wrote:You should get rid of the other things in the Fatal Flaw, because they don't really fit there.
Expand more on how "Doing anything to take out the enemy" will affect him. Right now, it just seems like another character trait.
Hello you still there I fixed it rabbit bounce
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§WØ®∑ÅN

Posts : 854
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Location : In the usa but if i gave you more info i would have to kill you. that or i was support to give any one who knew where i lived and who i was a gift basket. i don't remember. Oh i I KNOW. wait i forgot again. I GOT IT BACK AGAIN. forgot. LOST FOUND LOST FOUND LOST FOUND(this may be awhile.) I also noticed i got the longest exscuse for why i am not giveing my location and the most stupid one as well. Do I get a REWARD? maybe a WORLD RECORD? yes? no? MAY BE SO?

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Re: Ken Renata

Post  Wes on Mon Apr 16, 2012 6:54 pm

I see what you mean about fatal flaw, even if Jake does not. He sounds like the most foolish child of wisdom I've ever heard of, though. It looks good to me, and since neither of the other two have said anything yet, I'm going to take their silence as consent in this one case and go ahead and approve this for you.

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Re: Ken Renata

Post  Kristina on Mon Apr 16, 2012 6:55 pm

I would have said something but I was taking a break from applications, but since Wes is okay with it, I second that approval.

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Re: Ken Renata

Post  §WØ®∑ÅN on Fri Apr 20, 2012 2:39 pm

Hurray rpg time
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Location : In the usa but if i gave you more info i would have to kill you. that or i was support to give any one who knew where i lived and who i was a gift basket. i don't remember. Oh i I KNOW. wait i forgot again. I GOT IT BACK AGAIN. forgot. LOST FOUND LOST FOUND LOST FOUND(this may be awhile.) I also noticed i got the longest exscuse for why i am not giveing my location and the most stupid one as well. Do I get a REWARD? maybe a WORLD RECORD? yes? no? MAY BE SO?

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