Travis Barnard

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Travis Barnard

Post  Survivor2.0 on Sun Feb 24, 2013 2:18 pm

Name: Travis Barnard
Age: 13
God Parent: Cratos: God of strength and power
Mortal Family: Samantha Barnard (mother. Dead) Henry Barnard (Step-dad/ Dead)
Years in Camp: 2
Brief History: Travis used to live in Glendale Colorado where he whent to a public school. He was never the cool kid who gets to walk around school and say hi to everyone and have them say hi back, basically he spent most of his time there silent and out of the way. This is becaus When Travis was little his mom and step dad died in a plane crash leaving him alone in an orphonage, he never talks to anyone becaus everyone feels bad for him yet dosn't know what to say around him. He did make some friends though, and the only reason he has those friends is becaus he lives right next to them on his street. When he got to camp he was being chased by harpies (not the cleaning onesat CHB......lol). He spent his first 2 years training and doing whatever demigods do, like most demigods he is dieing to go on a quest.
Physical Appearance: Travis has brown hair in a buzz cut, he also wears a Baltimore Ravens hat. He has deep blue eyes most of the time he wears a black north face jacket (whith no ziper. It came off one day) most of the time you will see him whith his hands shoved intothe pockets of the jacket and a plane white T-shirt. He also wears those lacross shorts whith the monkeys
Personality: When you first meet Travis he's a nice guy, which he is, but when you get to know him more there is this darkness sorounding him. Often he will hear people say " Travis you've got to get out of that shell" Travis won't say anything but everytime he will think the same thing " That shell, is what protects me. If i breake out of that shell now, there won't be any coming back. I'll be traped there whith everyone else, just waiting for my turn of being bullied". Basically, Travis hates talking to other people in fear that they will just single him out as one of the weirdos and spread a rumor that he's a freak. He might not care very much but he would rather people didn't say that Travis was weird the rest of his life. So he ignores everyone he dosn't know unless they talk to him directly, then he might say hi but there is a 1/10 chance that he will actually talk to them. Which is only when he is having a good day (like if he figured out he is going away on vacation or got an A on his math test which never happens).
Fatal Flaw: Travis is too afraid of the truth. He will insist that what he is doing is the right thing and go forward whith his life. This could put him in great danger becaus when he is forced to make a decision in the future he would choose one answer that he thinks is right, but when someone else tries to correct him so he dosn't gdt introuble he wouldn't bother listening and would do what he thinks would be right even if it is wrong.
Talents: He is an excelent fighter.
Weapons: A long war hammer made out of celestial bronze the shaft of the hammer has the words εφιάλτης written on it meaning "Nightmare" magic is used to make it into the form of a pocket whatch. When he presses a button the pocket whatch will transform into his war hammer.
Other: Travis hates math, becaus he is just plain old terrible at it.


Last edited by Survivor2.0 on Tue Mar 12, 2013 8:56 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Re: Travis Barnard

Post  GeneralArin on Sun Feb 24, 2013 7:35 pm

And yet another Jake...

Well, right off the bat we have a few issues.

1.) You claimed to be in camp four years, and didn't so much as mencion camp in your bio. At all. Write how you got to camp, and what sort of camper he's been for the past four years. And as a comparison, Jake and Lily have both been at camp for four or five years. They're both senior campers that are respected around camp.

2.) Your personallity is one-dimentional: Loyal. That is incredibly vague and tells absolutely nothing. Why is your character loyal? Is it out of concern or stubbornness? How is your temperament? How do you react to situations? How do you act under stress? How do you treat people? People you don't know? People you're close too? How well do you make friends? Please, really add some depth. This is going to be a character, not a doll.

3.)Fatal Flaw: Fear is not a fatal flaw. Fatal flaw is a personality short coming. Fear is independent of your personality, since both a high-strung coward and a laid back determinator both can be afraid of the same thing. Of course, having a personality to begin with would help.

4.)If fear's that important, then put it in the 'other' category. The incident can stay in the bio.

5.)"Strong" isn't really an appearance thing.. unless he looks the part...

Yah... get started fixing it.

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Re: Travis Barnard

Post  Lily on Mon Feb 25, 2013 12:33 am

And yes,I suggest you change the first name....two characters with the same name is very annoying, thogh so far we've never had one on the site...... Very Happy
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Re: Travis Barnard

Post  Survivor2.0 on Tue Mar 12, 2013 5:52 pm

Ok, since there are so many things to fix, i think i'm just gonna start all over if that's ok whith the admins. Well actually it's not too much i just think it might be easier to do this if i started over.
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Re: Travis Barnard

Post  GeneralArin on Tue Mar 12, 2013 6:08 pm

That's fine.

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Re: Travis Barnard

Post  Survivor2.0 on Tue Mar 12, 2013 7:48 pm

edited....
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Re: Travis Barnard

Post  GeneralArin on Tue Mar 12, 2013 8:36 pm

Much better.

-The taunt-immunity-thing, while difficult, isn't really a talent, more of a personality thing. That's not something that could be taught easily or mastered like playing the flute.

-I'm not quite clear on the second half of your fatal flaw, because the first thing sounds like stubbornness or shyness, but the second sounds like you'll forget the right moves and refused to be corrected.

The personality is still rather off, but there's much more potential. It probably feels odd because of the quotes instead of a normal description. You can still pull a more normal description out of it, like "Nice but withdrawn. A bit timid." etc.
And I just noticed that you wrote: "What keeps me from being harmed by what others think about me" and yet also have the taunt-immunity talent. Emotional shells don't work like that, I'm afraid. Though he could be more worried about rejection than taunts. He also might mostly ignore other people he doesn't know, going more with the 'withdrawn' part. The last part also hints that he gets pressured by some factor of being around a bunch of other people. Perhaps work with those a bit to get a clearer solution.



Sorry for the long posts, but there isn't as much wrong as it looks. Just a bit odd wordings on the Personality and Fatal Flaws, then the talent is more of a personality thing.

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"Oh.. you're one of *those* guys. You don't care if someone beats the crap out of *you*, but if someone threatens to lay a finger on a family member you totally freak out."

Characters:
Jake Arin: Hephestus: CHB
Marcus Rayne: Zeus: Titan Army

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Ty... hellhound.
Agamemnon: Giant robotic transformer dragon of awesome

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Re: Travis Barnard

Post  Survivor2.0 on Tue Mar 12, 2013 8:39 pm

Ok

I don't mind the long posts, aslong as i can read it i'm okay whith it lol
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Re: Travis Barnard

Post  Survivor2.0 on Tue Mar 12, 2013 9:50 pm

Ok i edited it some more.
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Re: Travis Barnard

Post  GeneralArin on Tue Mar 12, 2013 11:28 pm

Alright, looks good to me. Wait for another Admin to comment.

_________________
"Oh.. you're one of *those* guys. You don't care if someone beats the crap out of *you*, but if someone threatens to lay a finger on a family member you totally freak out."

Characters:
Jake Arin: Hephestus: CHB
Marcus Rayne: Zeus: Titan Army

Obligatory Signature Images:



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Ty... hellhound.
Agamemnon: Giant robotic transformer dragon of awesome

I'm one of those big, bad Admin dudes. Fear me. Or you know, pm me with important junk.
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Re: Travis Barnard

Post  Kristina on Tue Mar 12, 2013 11:37 pm

Looks good to me...
Accepted

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Re: Travis Barnard

Post  Survivor2.0 on Wed Mar 13, 2013 7:09 am

Thank you
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