Angelo Aella

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Angelo Aella

Post  Guest on Tue Feb 18, 2014 9:06 pm

Name: Angelo Aella

Age: 14

God Parent: Thanatos

Mortal Family: Shozana Night(Mother), Chris Knight(Brother)

Years in Camp: zero

Brief History: As a young kid the world has just shown its face to me. Ever since I lost my brother, I room around alone in this lost world. The frequent flashes of my fear tear at my body as the nights falls. Then in the dead of night they came. Raging through my room then destroying the few things I had the clutched my face. In blinding rage I lost myself. After a while I stood once more to realist that the land I stand on was wiped of the face of the earth. To where it went...I don't know. Walking of toward the woods I found a Gantlet with a note on it. It read..."I Hope This Helps You On Your Journey...". Guess its time to find my answers and learn who I really am...

Physical Appearance: 6'2 black male slender built. Jet black dreeds with blood red highlights and white tips. Side burns shaved off and now chin hair. Light hair on arms and legs.

Personality: Silent fearful of everything around. Shy upon first meeting but, grow to be a loud goofy being. Has heart and dedication to anything and everything he has to do but, hate being forced upon anything. Questions the lives of those who don't see the things he does but, never resorts to violence. Aggressive when messing with personal belongings.

Fatal Flaw: When pushed to the break of sanity...he cuts off all emotions and goes into a "rage mode" like a self defense. This mode is blinds him from anything and anyone that is close to him. With the addition of not being able to do anything other than fight one person at a time in this mode, he not in control with his motion. Another way into this mode is when friends or people he know lives get in danger. In turn he become very psychotic and maniacal towards the inflictor.


Talents: Strategist and excellent with a scythe. Can summon the dead(Not right now but, hopefully, sometime in the future.)

Weapons: Long 5'2 scythe with a golden hilt, double blade and long chain wrapped around waist.(Can also extend with the head of blade by firing ,Blade locked onto a chain, to reach or get to higher altitudes)(Family heir loom turned weapon). Golden gantlet.

Other: Side information: Dark night alone, as the winter breeze blows her harsh breath upon the world. Lost the boy clashed with the beast of the forest. Mother no where around an father in the unknown, only he could save himself. That when the bear came. Five hours of running...five hours of climbing...five hours of life clinging by a thread. Falling from a root that stocked itself on the ground below. That is when it clicked..."Life is meaningless..." The world turn dark and when he awoke...He soaked himself in the blood of the bear...
"Come to the underworld with me..."
Can't stand the darkness for he believe his father come for him in the dead of night, in turn he sleeps with his scythe.


Last edited by Angelo Aella on Thu Feb 27, 2014 7:10 pm; edited 9 times in total

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Re: Angelo Aella

Post  GeneralArin on Tue Feb 18, 2014 11:26 pm

Well, first comment: That gauntlet is extremely overpowered, even with the drawback. I don't see much of a practical reason to send anyone to the underworld, and don't have any quantifiable value to this "void" substance, so I'm shooting it down.

Secondly, you're an extremely old demigod. Usually, people are claimed around 12 or 13, because that's when monsters really start gunning for them. If you've made it until 18, you probably don't need to go to camp. And typically you'd be living on your own soon anyway. Age him back a bit.


Your fatal flaw is extremely lacking. And eating a lot of food is not a personality issue. Connect it with your personality more, then describe how it could ruin your character.

Lastly: The scythe. I'm going to try not to rant to you about the impracticality of a weapon it is, since this is fantasy and other people have claimed one as their weapon. However, having a double-bladed, grappling hook scythe is seriously pushing the suspension of disbelief. Where did you even get this? You've never been to camp, and I doubt people just have gilded grappling-scythes laying around for a passing demigod to pick up. Either tone back or justify the weapon.

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Re: Angelo Aella

Post  Guest on Wed Feb 19, 2014 5:19 pm

Finished some more edits. Really like the who netherworld thing but, took it out. If anymore corrections are needed Pm Please.

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Re: Angelo Aella

Post  GeneralArin on Thu Feb 20, 2014 10:28 pm

The fatal flaw is still needs work. The part you added didn't clarify or develop your idea. It just added a new idea. Combine them, or choose one to develop. It needs to draw from your personality, and tell specifically how this issue could doom your character.

For example: Jake is a determined and focused character. This determination leads to him being incredibly stubborn. He ends up not knowing when to quit or pause, and he obsessivly works on projects, takes the bullet for people, or follow a cause, which often makes him skip meals or take the bullet for others.

_________________
"Oh.. you're one of *those* guys. You don't care if someone beats the crap out of *you*, but if someone threatens to lay a finger on a family member you totally freak out."

Characters:
Jake Arin: Hephestus: CHB
Marcus Rayne: Zeus: Titan Army

Obligatory Signature Images:



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Ty... hellhound.
Agamemnon: Giant robotic transformer dragon of awesome

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Re: Angelo Aella

Post  Guest on Fri Feb 21, 2014 11:51 pm

I did more edits to the fatal flaw. My bad if it's still not good enough...Sad

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Re: Angelo Aella

Post  GeneralArin on Mon Feb 24, 2014 5:57 pm

Well, what I meant by describing was to explain it in a bit more objective fashion.

_________________
"Oh.. you're one of *those* guys. You don't care if someone beats the crap out of *you*, but if someone threatens to lay a finger on a family member you totally freak out."

Characters:
Jake Arin: Hephestus: CHB
Marcus Rayne: Zeus: Titan Army

Obligatory Signature Images:



NPCs
Ty... hellhound.
Agamemnon: Giant robotic transformer dragon of awesome

I'm one of those big, bad Admin dudes. Fear me. Or you know, pm me with important junk.
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GeneralArin
RP Supervisor/SoldierA

Posts : 2790
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Re: Angelo Aella

Post  Guest on Tue Feb 25, 2014 9:11 am

Just finished some more. Took a little bit to understand what you ment but I think I got it now. Hope it good now but, like always if there is more needed just keep helping me through this proccess.
Hope i am getting close now tho...

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Re: Angelo Aella

Post  Cerulaen on Wed Feb 26, 2014 3:40 pm

Okay, you're getting the idea of the Fatal Flaw more now, the only thing is you've got several ideas in there and we only want one, crucial one. From what I see, you've got:

1) Over-thinker
2) Psychotically protective over people he cares about
3) Afraid of the dark

Being afraid of the dark isn't so much a personality trait as it is an Other, so I would take that out of the Fatal Flaw and add it into the correct section if you find it important enough to keep. Then I would choose between the over-thinking and psychotic protective one and expand upon JUST that one. You've got more for the protective one already, so that one might be easier to write about. I would just go into why he's protective to such extreme measures and how this could end up with him getting killed.

Fix that, and I think you'll be good. Although, I would like to know more about how he came to learn how to use a scythe... Did someone teach him?
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Re: Angelo Aella

Post  Guest on Thu Feb 27, 2014 7:04 pm

Thank you for your information. I fixed it once again an hope for approval. There a lot I would love to do but, I suck at this.
On another note. I will be Informing people about the whole, master with the scythe after I get approval. I be happy to tell that tale.

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Re: Angelo Aella

Post  GeneralArin on Fri Feb 28, 2014 9:00 pm

Well, I need to approve all plots and details and what not before hand, but if you want to keep it a secret, I understand. 
You can pm me the details instead of having it up here, and I'll be able to sign you off.

_________________
"Oh.. you're one of *those* guys. You don't care if someone beats the crap out of *you*, but if someone threatens to lay a finger on a family member you totally freak out."

Characters:
Jake Arin: Hephestus: CHB
Marcus Rayne: Zeus: Titan Army

Obligatory Signature Images:



NPCs
Ty... hellhound.
Agamemnon: Giant robotic transformer dragon of awesome

I'm one of those big, bad Admin dudes. Fear me. Or you know, pm me with important junk.
avatar
GeneralArin
RP Supervisor/SoldierA

Posts : 2790
Drachmae : 6262
Join date : 2009-05-29
Age : 22
Location : In my own little world....it's okay: they know me there.

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Re: Angelo Aella

Post  Guest on Mon Mar 03, 2014 7:43 pm

First, Thanks once again. Starting to feel like a broken record but, I hope I finally made it.
Second, I will send you the whole story veva pm so look forward for that.
Thrid, Is there anything else I need to change/ improve/ motify before I move on? I like this part of my life to be finished soon.
Hope to get to you soon and I will be needing help trying to figure out what I can and can't do plus the threads and rp thing. I love to write but never reallied rp before.

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Re: Angelo Aella

Post  GeneralArin on Fri Mar 07, 2014 9:12 pm

Approved.

_________________
"Oh.. you're one of *those* guys. You don't care if someone beats the crap out of *you*, but if someone threatens to lay a finger on a family member you totally freak out."

Characters:
Jake Arin: Hephestus: CHB
Marcus Rayne: Zeus: Titan Army

Obligatory Signature Images:



NPCs
Ty... hellhound.
Agamemnon: Giant robotic transformer dragon of awesome

I'm one of those big, bad Admin dudes. Fear me. Or you know, pm me with important junk.
avatar
GeneralArin
RP Supervisor/SoldierA

Posts : 2790
Drachmae : 6262
Join date : 2009-05-29
Age : 22
Location : In my own little world....it's okay: they know me there.

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Re: Angelo Aella

Post  Cerulaen on Sat Mar 08, 2014 1:12 am

Well, looks like you need a second, so I'm just gonna say approved.
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Re: Angelo Aella

Post  Guest on Mon Mar 10, 2014 7:47 pm

yay
oh happy days
oh happy days
oh happy days

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