Clair Kennedy (I am sorry that the biography is in first person)

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Clair Kennedy (I am sorry that the biography is in first person)

Post  Flicker on Thu Mar 06, 2014 10:33 pm

[size=14.66]gεηεгαι[/size]


[size=14.66]- Name: Clair Foxalina Kennedy [/size]
[size=14.66] - Pronunciation of  Name: Clair Foxa-line-a Kennedy[/size]
[size=14.66] -  Job: none, except staying alive, I guess [/size]
[size=14.66] -  Personality: Clair is a tomboy who people say can cause trouble, if only because she sometimes takes things too seriously and doesn't let people get too close to her because her mother died and she blames herself.[/size]
[size=14.66] -  Likes: Swimming, pain, her friends, trustworthy people [/size]
[size=14.66] -  Dislikes: Fire, monsters, daytime, some gods [/size]
[size=14.66] [/size]

[size=14.66]Яειατ¡οηshρs[/size]

[size=14.66] [/size]
[size=14.66] -Allies: none so far[/size]
[size=14.66] -Enemies: none so far [/size]
[size=14.66] [/size]

[size=14.66]Ρεгsοηαι[/size]

[size=14.66] [/size]
[size=14.66] -Αgε: fifteen[/size]
[size=14.66] - Birthday: July ninteenth [/size]
[size=14.66] -Bio: [/size]
[size=14.66]My mother was seventeen when I was born, so she threw me out. I came back, and up until last year, we’ve both lived peacefully in our little Florida beach house. We lived as roommates, closer than any sisters could be. [/size]
[size=14.66] [/size]
[size=14.66] When I was ten, my mom, Sapphire Kennedy, bought me surfing lessons as birthday gift. The instructor asked if I had taken gymnastics because of my balance. She responded with a no, then the shark sighting alarm sounded. I had gotten bold and was way off the beach. My mother yelled at me to stay on my board and the shock of hearing her voice so worried for my safety made me look down. I saw a twelve foot long bull shark only about a meter below my board. After that, well, let’s just say I’m glad I can hold my breath. I toppled in and landed on the shark. My board washed up without me and Sapphire freaked. Hey, can’t say I blame her. After all, her ten year old daughter was in the water amongst a variety of sharks, including the bull shark who’s dorsal fin I grasped with all my strength. I saw a black tip reef shark swimming towards the shore fairly fast and swam after it. It was taking too long to get to, but then I saw a great white swimming after it and grabbed that shark's fin. it sped me close enough to the shallows before it turned back, and was swimming fast enough, that I rocketed past the reef when the great white turned and I let its fin go. I was still a good ten feet out, and a lifeguard rescued me. My mother decided to take me into a doctor exactly one year later, but when my name was called I started whining and threw a fit. My mom canceled the appointment and dragged me out to the car. She asked me why I just now had a problem with the doctor I usually see, and I said that he only had one eye. She refused to listen to that nonsense, as she called it, and we drove the rest of the way back in silence. Aside from those two freak incidents, nothing ever seemed to go wrong with my life. [/size]
[size=14.66] [/size]
[size=14.66] When I was eight, my mom’s dad died and his will said that everything of his would go to his daughter. My grandfather was a millionaire, so we became rich. When I was fourteen, I fell in love with a really sweet guy. He said his name was Dean, but after a month I noticed some odd things happening around Dean. Firstly, everyone close to him had died. Second, he never once got a tan, but we lived in Florida and he was stuck working part time at one of the Universal Studios theme parks somewhere sunny. Then, he just vanished, leaving a note on my doorstep saying he was sorry for all the lying he’d done to me. It also had his eagle-shaped locket that he always wore taped to it. I put it on, then read the note. It told me that he loved me, that he always would love me, but that he figured out something about me which, in his words, would…. [/size]
[size=14.66] [/size]
[size=14.66]“Oh, Clair, please forgive me for everything. It’s not you that made me leave, it’s me. I could never offer you enough protection, even if we were in Fort Knocks and you were one of the gold bars. Please, just come to my house before three o’clock– when it’s all over– and I’ll try to explain everything. Just know that, if nothing else, I’m leaving you to protect you. Love, your boyfriend, Dean.” [/size]
[size=14.66] [/size]
[size=14.66]I looked at the clock. It was four. I sprinted to Dean’s house and saw cop cars, an ambulance, and some crime scene tape. An officer recognized me, I had gone in numerous times to bail Dean out, and let me through. I found another letter on Dean’s desk in the living room and slipped it into my pocket. I then went upstairs, to Dean’s room, and saw him hanging from the rafters. His body’s hand had a letter in it, one addressed to me. I reached for it, but before I could grab it a wind came in his open window and stole it out of the dead boy’s hands. I ran back home and went to my room to pet my cat. No clue why, but animals always seem to make me calmer. My mother came in and told me that she was sorry about my loss and that she knew what it was like to lose a loved one. She told me to calm down, but I was fed up with her. Exactly one year later, when I was fifteen, I ran away from everything. I ran to New York. When strange stuff happened there, I ran to Manhattan and bought a beach house with the cash I brought with me. After I couldn't pay any more rent, I was evicted and stumbled upon the school. That’s pretty much how I got here.  [/size]
[size=14.66] [/size]

[size=14.66]ιοοκs[/size]

[size=14.66] [/size]
[size=14.66] -  Skin Color/Ethnicity: very pale skin, sunburns easily  [/size]
[size=14.66] -  Height: Six feet, three inches, one cintimeter, and two milimeters[/size]
[size=14.66] -  Hair Color: Very dark brown, so much so it looks like auburn when the sun hits it just right. Her hair is also like horse hair in a way, because it is so thick.[/size]
[size=14.66] -  Hair Length/Style: Ankle length hair when worn down, so she usually keeps it in a hip-length braid.[/size]
[size=14.66] -  Eye Color: her eye color is slightly different for each eye, her left eye is forest green, and her right eye is slightly tinted with dark blue and acid green[/size]
[size=14.66] -  Description: Femine body build, skinny, fairly nice bust size, but also strong even though she does not look it. [/size]
[size=14.66] -  Attire: Usually a black leotard that she can swim in. Well, under some jean shorts, a pair of sneakers, and a camouflage silk tank top with an underlying base of tan, that is. [/size]
[size=14.66] [/size]

[size=14.66]ρεгsοηαΙ βεΙοηg¡ngs[/size]

[size=14.66] [/size]
[size=14.66] - Large Equipment: usually one crossbow is hidden hanging from her side under a jean jacket with sleeves that go down her arms to right about an inch above her elbows. [/size]
[size=14.66] - Small Equipment: the leather strap the crossbow hangs from [/size]
[size=14.66] - Pocket Items: an eagle shaped locket hanging from a golden chain that she retrieved at Dean's funeral. (the eagle locket itself is bronze)[/size]
[size=14.66] - Ammunition: One small leg quiver that only holds five crossbow bolts [/size]
[size=14.66] - Other: [Does the character own a house? A car? A small piece of land? The Death Star?] [/size]
[size=14.66] [/size]

[size=14.66]ςοмвдτ[/size]

[size=14.66] [/size]
[size=14.66] - Combat Specialization: Hand to hand, some armed[/size]
[size=14.66] -  Ability Specific Info: Clair loves headlocks and crossbows [/size]
[size=14.66] - Signature Ability: [What is your character signature ability?] [/size]
[size=14.66] - Strengths: [What are your ability’s strengths?] [/size]
[size=14.66] - Weaknesses [What are your ability’s weaknesses?] [/size]
[size=14.66] - Training: Claire's self-taught hand to hand combat came into use in elementary school, when she got in a fight with a bully when trying to help a little kid. What little armed combat training she had came as a gift of some riflery and fencing lessons from her mother later.[/size]


[size=14.66] sςαrs[/size]

[size=14.66] [/size]
[size=14.66] - Inflictee: a shark, and some snakes. [/size]
[size=14.66] - Bite Mark: rattlesnake and viper bites are both in her right arm, but the viper bite is on her upper arm. The rattler bit her wrist. A mako shark bit her chest once, leaving a tooth in her heart. [/size]
[size=14.66] - Benefits:  the tooth in her heart keeps her alive while her heart struggles to patch itself up.[/size]
[size=14.66] - Downsides: it hurts to get hugged because of the shark tooth stuck in her heart, which is probably the only thing keeping her alive. [/size]
[size=14.66] - Fitting In: just trying not to wince when people pat her on the back. She doesn't like explaining the shark tooth stuck as part of her heart. [/size]
[size=14.66] - Suppressant/Cure: just time and learning how to live with a rattlesnake tooth imbedded in her right wrist as well as trying to hold the mako shark tooth in her heart near where she was bitten.[/size]
[size=14.66] [/size]
[size=14.66]-gοαιs-[/size]
[size=14.66] [/size]
[size=14.66] - Major Goal: figuring this whole "life" thing out [/size]
[size=14.66] - Minor Goals: finding out why Dean killed himself, getting the rattle snake bite to heal fully, maybe changing her name, and getting used to the weird moments in life that are fun and awkward at the same time[/size]
[size=14.66] - Reasoning behind goal: the goal involving Dean's reason is so she can let him go. The rattlesnake's reason is so she can finally have use of her right hand back. The one involving her name is because its too girly. The ones involving life are because she just can't seem to figure it out. [/size]
[size=14.66] - Motivation: Just curious [/size]
[size=14.66] [/size]
[size=14.66]Μαγβε Μοяε....[/size]
[size=14.66] [/size]
[size=14.66] - Additional Notes: She loves to sing, but only by herself. Also, all black animals like her.[/size]


Last edited by Flicker on Sat Mar 22, 2014 2:55 am; edited 5 times in total (Reason for editing : PLEASE, DELETE MY POSTS. IM WORTHLESD GERE AND KNOW THAT. GOODBYE.)

Flicker

Posts : 1
Drachmae : 3
Join date : 2014-03-04
Age : 19
Location : ~Alaska~

Character sheet
Olympian Parent: Triton
Items :

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Clair Kennedy (I am sorry that the biography is in first person)

Post  GeneralArin on Sun Mar 09, 2014 7:41 pm

Your personality seems to solely consist of "stubborn" and "serious."
Try and add more depth to it. Add things about how she thinks, or relates to people, or reacts to situations.

That's my main concern.

_________________
"Oh.. you're one of *those* guys. You don't care if someone beats the crap out of *you*, but if someone threatens to lay a finger on a family member you totally freak out."

Characters:
Jake Arin: Hephestus: CHB
Marcus Rayne: Zeus: Titan Army

Obligatory Signature Images:



NPCs
Ty... hellhound.
Agamemnon: Giant robotic transformer dragon of awesome

I'm one of those big, bad Admin dudes. Fear me. Or you know, pm me with important junk.
avatar
GeneralArin
RP Supervisor/SoldierA

Posts : 2791
Drachmae : 6263
Join date : 2009-05-29
Age : 23
Location : In my own little world....it's okay: they know me there.

Character sheet
Olympian Parent: Hephaestus
Items :

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Clair Kennedy (I am sorry that the biography is in first person)

Post  Cerulaen on Wed Mar 19, 2014 11:41 am

Okay, I keep forgetting to reply to this... Sorry! >.< In any case, I don't feel like reading the ENTIRE thing over at the moment cuz I have French to do, but I'll critique what I remember at the moment...

1) Why was her mother shot? And by the father of all people? It was one thing for her to die, but then the whole rotting-under-the-floor-boards thing... that was very Edgar Allan Poe-esque, and really unnecessarily extreme. I believe I asked you this before, but why did she marry this man? There's obviously some major things wrong with him.

2) You got onto a swimming team... at 7? I know you can take classes at that age. But not get on teams. That's not until middle school. And even if you could, I don't think they'd be kicking 7-year-olds out of classes--especially not for swimming faster. That's actually the point of swim teams. Plus, you say later that she turns into a mermaid when she's in the water--not when she swims fast. meaning, she would turn into one the moment she got in the pool, regardless of whether she was swimming or not. So...yeah. Not a real legitimate reason to kick someone off a swim team.

3) Why would her evil stepfather give her everything if he abuses her and obviously hates her? And why do they live in this rich expensive mansion, especially if you told me he's an escaped convict of some sort? Oh wait, I take it back--it's a "dingy little mansion." Since when are mansions dingy or little? I'll give it being not taken care of or something, but a mansion cannot be "little"--hence the description of "mansion."

4) For a physical appearance: she would not be 6 feet tall. She has been abused her entire life and gone through some severe malnutrition from the looks of it, both of which would cause stunted growth. I won't accept her being any taller than 5'6", or 7" in you really want to push it. Then her hair... okay, I'm not one to get on people about unrealistic hair lengths. But her having ankle-length hair is completely impractical--if not because it would make running away and taking care of herself on her own more difficult, because they wouldn't allow that length of hair for swimming. I doubt it would all fit into a swim cap, and hair impedes the speed of swimming a lot. So I suggest you change that--the longest that would be acceptable would probably be waist-length.

5) It would take  much longer than a year to save up for a plane ticket to anywhere off of Alaska with just excess change. Then even if she did get to Kentucky (why did she go there of all places, exactly?), how did she know to go to New York? And how did she know how to get there?

These are all my questions and concerns. Sorry for the novel. But there's a difference between making characters original, and making them fantastically unrealistic. My main concern is an explanation for just about everything in her background--you could probably take a lot of it out.
avatar
Cerulaen
Match Maker

Posts : 1367
Drachmae : 3030
Join date : 2013-06-24
Age : 20
Location : Am I allowed to say Azarath?

Character sheet
Olympian Parent: Aphrodite
Items :

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Clair Kennedy (I am sorry that the biography is in first person)

Post  Cerulaen on Sat Mar 22, 2014 2:45 am

Okay, I'm not reading this until the format is fixed. Highlight everything, then click the Remove Formatting button (last button in the 6th row down on the posting toolbar).
avatar
Cerulaen
Match Maker

Posts : 1367
Drachmae : 3030
Join date : 2013-06-24
Age : 20
Location : Am I allowed to say Azarath?

Character sheet
Olympian Parent: Aphrodite
Items :

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Clair Kennedy (I am sorry that the biography is in first person)

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum