Looking to be accepted

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Looking to be accepted

Post  steven.macneil.39 on Fri May 09, 2014 2:49 pm

Name: Nico Dilana

Age: 15

God Parent: Thanatos

Mortal Family: Lilianna Dilana

Years in Camp: 1

History: Quiet  guy  was on the school chess team  until one day His Saytr brought him to camp half blood before then he had a great life he dosent belive in gods yet hes still scared and he dosent like camp half blood he also misses his mom and wants her back for she is dead she died in a car accident they had a great great life before that and he just wants the good old days that he had with his mom back Before he new he was a demigod he always saw monster for there true form so he would think he was going crazy so eventually he went to a doctor to talk about what he sees The doctor was a monster himself he tried to put him on medicine so he couldent see threw the mist yet and his scent would be stronger so scarrier monsters would try to kill him He didnt have mutch friends at schoool so when they went out to recess or anything he would just walk around the field tired and looking at people he would always get into trouble because people would just assume it was him like " Oh hey Look its the quiet kid that no one likes he did it! " He would always eat lunch alone he didnt have any siblings though he always wished he had a younger brother to pick on or to beat up but that wish never came true as did any others. before he find out was his true form was he had acouple monster encounters at his house but he would never really get bothered because his foster care parent masked the smell to monsters of his big 3 smell so he would not be attacked as often he always wants revenge on people that attack his family more less his friends well the ones he has  

Physical Appearance: A lanky kid with clipped hair his skin color is pale He is medium sized height so he wont be that that tall when hes all grown up

Personality: Very sportsy guy he is very burly and strong from all the working out he loves sports but he loves the color black too he dosent get into mutch fights but he has ADHD just like the other campers He has a very low tollerance for dyslexia and He studys more less reads Greek words more so letters he is also pretty outgoing or shy He was always shy sometimes in the night one of his eyes flicker firey red

Fatal Flaw: Very Overprotective Of his friends and family Because he has lost so many people like his mother for example So he dosent want to lose anyone esle like a close friend though he dosent have that many friends only 2 or 3

Talents: Good at throwing knives and throwing swords somewhat good with a bow and dosent get very tired when he uses his demigod powers like summoning his hell hound spike or Summoning Undead greek warriors

Weapons: Celestial bronze dagger and throwing knives and a bow that is a bracelet when u press the button it pops into his hand

Other: He owns a hellhound named spike that is always at his side and often shadow travels


Last edited by steven.macneil.39 on Fri May 09, 2014 3:32 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Re: Looking to be accepted

Post  Cerulaen on Fri May 09, 2014 3:02 pm

...dangit, why do yoy have two apps? I'll reply to this when I get home...
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Re: Looking to be accepted

Post  GeneralArin on Thu May 15, 2014 4:39 pm

Punct.u.at.ion. 
Please. Add. Punctuation. 

First of all, I can't tell what you're trying to say in half of this, between punctuation issues and rapidly switching topics.

You can't have a hellhound or summon undead.

Throwing swords is ridiculous, seeing as they are specialized for slashing, stabbing, and parrying in close quarters. You'd have to throw them like a tomahawk to get it anywhere, and with the weight of a sword, it wouldn't go very far barring super strength. And there's the matter of you being unarmed once you throw it. There's a reason why historically, there are no secret techniques of sword-throwing. Because it was a bad combat tactic.

Personality: Any likes and dislikes go in other, if they're that important. "Sporty" doesn't tell me anything about his personality, as it just means he likes/skilled at sports. Personality is how you react towards people, situations and alone. Not a list of likes and dislikes or your skills. So half of that needs to go. 
And again. Punctuation. I can't tell where the sentences start or end, and the topic changes too quickly to make any sense of this. 

Fatal flaw needs to relate to personality, and tell of how this weakness can affect his life negatively. 

Your history....
I can't read it. 
The things I can read: No "Big 3" smell, seeing as you're Thanatos, unless it's a new perfume. You've been in camp, dealing with demigod stuff for a year, apparently, and you don't believe in gods. You're very skilled at denying what's in front of you. And you need to mention what you've done in camp over the past year, other than denying the obvious.
And from what I can read of the history, it doesn't make any sense.

Please, put at least the occasional period so I can figure out what it's supposed to be saying.

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Re: Looking to be accepted

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