Jay Hunter

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Jay Hunter

Post  JayHunter on Sat Jul 05, 2014 2:48 pm

Name:Jay Hunter

Age:11

God Parent: Apollo

Mortal Family: (They're gonna have crazy names. They're dead) Mom: Rose Hunter, Sister: Jasmine Hunter. (Flower hunters Smile )

Years in Camp: 0. I'm new Smile

History: Jay was born in New York. His family died after when Jay was 2 weeks old. No one new why. He was in foster homes all his life. He saw many monsters when he was at the different foster homes. He ran away, and found a satyr looking for him. They went to CHB together. Jay was claimed by Apollo, and he just started to get used to camp.

Physical Appearance: Jay has dark brown hair and eyes. He is skinny, and a bit tall. He has long fingers, That aren't good at lifting. His skin is very pale.

Personality: Jay is a very funny person. But, sometimes he can be annoying and prideful. Sometimes people want to be around him. But totally not when he is in battle, using his daggers. (He isn't good with meelee.)

Fatal Flaw: Jay is way to arogant, so he has a good chance to die in battle. He thinks he will do good, and win a battle, and he doesn't use his brain, unless he's focused. (Like when he uses a bow.)

Talents: Awesome Musician, Archer, and quite a good healer. And, Photokinisis ( Create illusions/hallucinations.
Create light shields/force fields.
Project healing energies (different from Vitakinesis).
Blast of light to impale or blind enemies for some time or maybe forever.
Create a ball or shape of light to blast. ).

Weapons: Bronze bow, Wrist watch that turns into a mini piano, Arrows with greek fire in arrow heads to explode monsters. And Photokinisis. And 3 daggers.

JayHunter

Posts : 1
Drachmae : 3
Join date : 2014-07-04
Location : Apollo Cabin

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jay Hunter

Post  Cerulaen on Sun Jul 13, 2014 9:41 pm

Alright. So sorry none of us have gotten to this. But first off, you have an extremely minimal, stereotypical demigod that tells me absolutely nothing about your character. I would really like to know how his family died. I really would. Saying ‘no one knows why they died’ is baaaasically a cop out answer because you don’t know… Please tell me maybe how his mother met Apollo, how and/or why his family died, how growing up as a foster kid his entire life affected him, why he ran away, etc., etc.

For personality: saying your character is “funny” is a rather relative, since everyone has a different sense of what’s quote unquote “funny.” I would suggest maybe saying what kind of humor he has, like dry humor or something. Then, you say “sometimes” for the next two things, implying that he’s not always annoying and prideful and people don’t always dislike him. So, what is he usually like? And what exactly are you implying with the battle comment—that people don’t want to be around him because he’s bad or good? If he’s going to be arrogant and whatnot, there should be some kind of explanation why, which is usually explained in the background of the character. Besides the history just explaining what happened in their lives, it should also explain why they turned out the way they did.

Since his Fatal Flaw says he’s way too arrogant, doesn’t that mean he’s more arrogant all the time? The Fatal Flaw is basically a personality trait to the extreme, that tends to drive the character’s every action and decision.

Talents: …okay, there are just WAY too many powers. All the photokinesis is being shot down because A) you aren’t Green Lantern and B) Apollo’s already got way too many perks to being his child, which you mentioned. If you wanna say some other mundane talents, like he’s good at, I dunno…sewing, that’s another thing. But musician, archery, and healing are plenty for divine gifts. We haven’t allowed any Apollo kids to have light-bending powers.

Weapons: Too many. Bow is fine, the piano isn’t a weapon so it should go in Other (I also don’t see the point to it, but whatever you want), you do not need three daggers, one is plenty (unless they’re throwing knives, in which case you should state they’re throwing knives), and the Greek fire arrows—so long as ALL of your arrows aren’t filled with them, that should be fine. They can be special arrows, like I know a lot of the Apollo children have.
avatar
Cerulaen
Match Maker

Posts : 1367
Drachmae : 3030
Join date : 2013-06-24
Age : 20
Location : Am I allowed to say Azarath?

Character sheet
Olympian Parent: Aphrodite
Items :

View user profile

Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum